The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 51st Issue
June 20, 2014

EM TROUBADOUR
Interview by Kattasrophe
EM Troubadour has played Ultima Online since the first day of its release. “I considered myself luck to live in one of the few countries that already had cable Internet which really helped,” he said.
“I won’t say it was a choice to go on Siege, but I did volunteer for the shard. “I think that Siege presents a greater challenge for both, player and EM and I love a good challenge,” he commented after me asking if he chose Siege.
What shard is EM Troubadour originally from? “I started out on Atlantic and while I have characters on many different shards, Atlantic is and always will be my home.
What made him decide to become an EM? “After almost 17 years in a game, you tend to look for new ways to contribute to something you love. This seemed like a great way to give something back to the community. I also get to kill people! What could be better than that?
What is his favorite template? “That is a difficult question. I use different characters for different things. Fishing when I want to relax, a tamer for Peerless or T-maps, a mage variant for most PvM and some PvP.”
See the complete “EM Troubador Interview” on Stratics.

WoW USING SIEGE FOR RENDITION
This reporter has learned that WoW players set up a secret base here on Siege Perilous to interrogate opponents, using methods too harsh for the WoW Code Of Conduct. “It’s also a lot of fun,” according to my unnamable source. “This place rocks.”

THE PERILS OF KATTASROPHE
Part 1 of 3 Demoiselle en Détresse
The beautiful Princess Kattasrophe, known to her friends and court familiars as Katt, most graciously tipped the messenger who brought her flowers as he bowed & scraped away. Suddenly, she heard a buzzing at her ear and felt a sting on her neck. Viciously slapping the bee to the floor, she raised her foot to stomp it when she noticed, “That’s no ordinary bee. It looks like….” The sting from the Hypnotic Bee made her woozy.
Dashing to the window, she flung it open for fresh air as more bees rose from the roses. Dizzy from the sting, Princess Katt fell out the window, pursued by the swarm of bees. It was a long way down. Luckily, she was wearing full petticoats that bloomed open to form a parachute and slow her fall. Unluckily, the swarm of bees now gained on her. Their hypnotic buzzing formed words, “Marry Mr. Bill, marry Mr. Bill,” they repeated over and over.
“Oh noooo! Mr. Bill,” cried Katt as she landed next to a moongate. Stepping hastily into it avoid more bee stings, she failed to notice the quirky oddness of the moongate until she was transported and then it vanished altogether! Where was she? Had she escaped from the Dastardly Mr. Bill only never return to her beloved Hearth Castle, home of her loving family?
Princess Katt drew herself up to her full 4’7″ and looked around. It was a dark and stormy night. She was cold and hungry and now wet. Ahead, she could barely make out a glow of light that resolved into candle lit windows as she approached a small cottage. Knocking on the door, she couldn’t stop thinking about Mr. Bill’s despicable attempt to force her to marry him. What was he thinking?
Suddenly, the door opened and she was whisked inside. The high pitched squeaky laugh of Mr. Bill greeted her as his eight spider legs danced insanely on the floor.
“Oh noooo! Mr. Bill,” cried Katt, reaching for her frying pan.
Will Katt escape the clutches of The Dastardly Mr. Bill? Don’t miss Part 2 in the next issue of the Perilous Inquirer!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Ander, “I always got caught by the GM without a pickaxe and UO jail is really dull without it.”

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What TV show featured the Play-doh character, Mr. Bill?”

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 51st Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward.
Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-51st-issue.317300/

:From the notes of Startle

So I’m sitting on one of my fallen logs the other day contemplating who knows what, when I noticed a distress call from none other than our own Lady Sara Dale. It seems that she had somehow forgotten to anchor her ship when going for a swim, and it kept drifting away – leaving her with little recourse other than her almost forgotten GIL help signal (which she hadn’t had to use in what – 50 years or so)…

Anyway, as is most often the case when a GIL member requests help – we show up in numbers. As it happened, Lady Hoffs, Garfield and myself were on duty that evening, and since it was Sara – we most naturally assumed she was simply up to no good (or drawing us into a puzzle of some odd nature). Hell, I’m thinkin’ a prank for sure….

Long story short, we didn’t buy the innocent Help thing from her, sorry…
So Hoffs, Garfield and I – after what I must admit was an extremely short deliberation on our part – decided to turn the tables on Ms Trickster and pretend we’re going to just leave her there overnight and teach her a lesson about yelling Help in a situation that just didn’t seem all that dire to us, ie obviously the sea is quite shallow there…..

So we all played our parts as seriously as possible with this group. We told her that we had it on very reliable sources that, she had decided to join Factions and that she could get rich by joining com and giving them all our top secret secrets and Loot House access and some other stuff equally dumb. Hoffs even threw in the ultimate insult, knowing full well the possible consequences of such a taunt.

Well , needless to say – not much of that went over well with Lady Sara, and – after a few very well chosen words on her part – she was quickly forgiven. If you’re wondering what those magic words were that turned the tables in her direction, I can only remember the ones that seemed responsible for a tiny hint of a squint in Lady Hoffs stare. ( Or it could have been the salt spray for all I know). Anyway, I wasn’t there as a reporter, as I’d left reporting on a stone, so I can’t give you every single word….If I get anything wrong you can sue me. I do remember hearing (not necessarily in any order) some or most of the following words: Loot House and ownership, plus a couple more that I couldn’t make out with her mic in the down position as is oft the case ….

So – no sooner had Sara pulled her Ladyship card out, when out of the blue Garfield up and gates off what surely seemed to be THE Rune of Exacting Precision (which was last seen in Sara’s hold a week or so back, btw), and of course it lands him squarely at Sara’s precise spot, where he rescues her, bla bla bla – I did noticed, however, that he put his return gate right next to M’Lady’s hold, and by the time she checked, her Rune of Exacting Precision was right there where it should be. I do not know for certain if Garfield had quietly returned it or if it was there all along, and beyond a hard glance at Garfield, Lady Sara once again resumed her fishing….

I know, this all seems a bit unsolved (especially the mystery of the rune)- but I can only swear to what I saw and heard.
I did, however take pics:

Pic-1 taken upon our arrival:

Pic-2 taken during the taunting period

Pic-3 taken as Garfield gates to her rescue…..

“We’ll follow the map later,” Merrick said, “first we should find White Beard and question him.”  Aevar’s note said that White beard would be found at the Wayfarer’s Inn.   Arriving  at his room, we found  evidence that he had not been alone.

Searching the room for the where about of White Beard, Merrick found a note under the bed.

“Keep searching the room. See if you can find more information about the Blue Jewel.” Merrick said in an excited voice.   We found no other clues except a scroll on the bed.  Over and over the name A.M.E.L.I.A.  was written on it. “There is that name again. Who is this Amelia and what does she have to do with our treasure?”  Puzzled Merrick.  “Well that is a mystery to solve later. Let us be off to search the palaces.  We divided up and searched King Blackthorn’s castle and the old castle in Britain.   The searches were in vain.  We regrouped.  “Nothing at all.  But the note said that the jewel would be in a castle.” Wrinkling his forehead in thought, “What have I missed? Is there another castle in the lands?”  “Wait someone shouted. How about the one in NuJelm. ”  Away we went and after a through search we found the jewel.

“I wonder if this is part of the treasure?” Merrick said.  “We must put it into a safe place until we find out more.”   But as we left the palace, we were set upon by the same assassins who had killed the old treasure hunter.  They proved to be an even deadlier foes, than Bloody Blade and his minions.

At last the battle was over.  Friends and pets resurrected,  we followed Merrick as he took us to a house in Jhelom.  Inside we found a secret room that he had built.  After placing the jewel in the room.  Merrick made us swear that we would tell no one of what we had found or seen.  I asked what he planned to do with the map.  “I must study it before I decide what to do.  I will call you when I’ve decided what to do.”  Rubbing his head, he continued, “of even more concern is the name A.M.E.L.I.A.  We must find out more about it.  I wonder if White bead knows.  We must find him.”

Quickly I hurried to Skara Brae.  I found Aevar in front of the Skara blacksmith shop.  At first he was reluctant to talk to us.  He kept asking if the Alchemist was with me.  After assuring him that he wasn’t, Aevar agreed to give Merrick the information he wanted.  But first there was a small task that we had to do for him.

It seemed to be a simple task.  “Get me some of the good stuff.  The Alchemist is to deliver it himself  or send it with someone to a warehouse in Britain.  He knows the one.” We went back to Merrick with the request.

Shaking his head he replied, “figures he would want me to have Tolivar make him alcohol.

What seemed a simple task soon turn into a problem.  Tolivar’s  recipes had been stolen.  After much searching we found them.  It turned out that he had just misplaced them.  After he had made the brew and it was delivered, we went back to speak to Aevar.  He told me, “White Beard has what Merrick is looking for.  I saw  it with his own two eyes”.  I turned  to leave. “Come back, I have one more thing for you to tell Merrick. Bloody Blade has returned. ”  “Who is Bloody Blade and what does he have to do with the treasure?” I asked.  “Look in Hyloth.” Aevar said with a smile.

With a feeling of dread, We returned to Merrick and told him what we had learned.  Gatheringa band of brave warriors we traveled to Hyloth. There in the depths of Hyloth, we found Bloody Blade. The fight was long and deadly.

As the dungeon was still dangerous, Merrick thought it would be best if we returned to Britain.  There he looked at the map trying to decipher it.

I ran into Merrick at the stables in Luna.  He told me a strange story.   “A few days ago I meet a man named Ishim.  He wanted to hire me to guard his father from a group of assassins.  He had heard, that I was the type to not ask questions. Possibly Tavian told him.  Being a royal spy, I was hesitant to accept his offer.  He offered to pay me any thing and show me a handful of jewels .  That peeked my curiosity so  I accepted the task.  Ishim was able to describe the colors the assassins wore and warned me that they were hired by wealthy men to take care of problems. ”  Merrick paused then frowning he continued his tale.  “At last they attacked.  I found it strange that they did not sneak in.  Realizing something wasn’t right, I tried to put down my weapons.  Alas they attacked and I had to kill them all.”  I sensed that Merrick was holding something back.  He continued “After killing the assassins,  I found the father dying.

I asked why he was telling me all of this.  He responded that he needed me to go to Skara Brae and talk to Aevar  Tyon. Perhaps he had more information about what he had learned.  I was puzzled why he didn’t go himself.  He told me, “if I was able to pay him what I owed.  We would no doubt be best of friends.   However since I can’t, I need you to go and see if he will make a deal with us.  Be careful and don’t offer him anything.  Tell him the Alchemist remembers.  That should be enough for a small bit of information.”

Meet in Blackthorn’s Courtyard at 7PM on the Trammel facet.  Tonight we discover the second key.

What are these two doing in Luna?  It appears that they are conversing with the Mayor in the open!  Are they recruiting intrepid adventurers?

The elections are over and our winning governors are :

Jhelom                    Garion

Minoc                      Convi

Moonglow             Nathael Monroe

New Magincia      Markus

Skara Brae            Rowan

Trinsic                  Jahajx Jov

At this time Britain, Vesper, and Yew are still in need for governors.  Present your request at the next town council.

Coming soon interviews with each governor.

The Void Pool Challenge!

We would like to invite all adventurers for a trip to Dungeon Covetous to fight at the Void Pool!

On Saturday the 21st of June.

Leaving around 20:30 CEST at West Britain Bank or find us at the void pool in Covetous level 2!

The more people join, the more points we can gather!

Let us try to break some records!

Our Current Record is 64 Waves.

Be there!

[Discuss This Article]

The Gauntlet Returns!

We would like to invite all adventurers for a trip to Dungeon Doom to fight in the Gauntlet!

On Friday the 20th of June.

Leaving around 20:30 CEST from West Britain Bank!

Be there!

[Discuss This Article]