Please go here to bid on these auctions and good luck!!

This is a standard forum auction for lot numbers 101-227 of the GSF Summer ’14 auction, which is aiming to raise money for our town treasuries.

Standard auction protocol applies and I reserve the right to disregard bids if they don’t appear to be made in good faith, etc, etc.

Some lots carry a (unspecified) reserve price and will not be sold if that is not met. Just make reasonable offers!

To make a bid, simply post the item number and the amount in this thread. Bid raises must be a reasonable increase over the previous high bid in order to be valid. In general, use the following guideline:

up to 200k: increments of 10k
200k – 500k: increments of 25k
500k – 1 million: increments of 50k
1 – 2 million: increments of 100k
2 – 5 million: increments of 250k
5 – 10 million: increments of 500k
over 10 million: increments of 1 million

The auction will run until the end of Saturday 9th August. For a bid to be valid, it must be timestamped no later than 23:59 Eastern Daylight Time [03:59 GMT] AND in the final two hours must meet at least the minimum bid increments listed above.

Wining lots may be collected at the live auction on Sunday, or by other arrangement.

Good luck!!

Lot listings

Unless otherwise stated, lots give 5% of sale price to Town Fund, 95% to seller.
Lots marked [Town Fund] indicates that 100% of sale price goes to the Town Fund.
Lots marked [individual town] give 5% of sale price to Town Fund, 95% to specified town.
Names shown are the person that donated the item.

Current high bids shown in red, up to post #2.

#101 Priority seating at the live auction on Saturday [500k Frost, 500k Frost]

The two highest bidders for this will be entitled to sit at the thrones in Gilfane Arena during the live auction, or nominate someone in their place. [Town Fund]

Armour/Jewels/Weapons/etc
#102 Armour of Fortune (cursed) [Town Fund – Morgan Ironfist]
#103 Corgul’s Handbook of the Undead
#104 Elder detective of the Royal Guard [replica] Int +3
#105 Embroidered oak leaf cloak [replica]
#106 Gauntlets of Virtue Bane
#107 Gypsy headdress (Vesper Museum replica)
#108 Jade Armband (Abyssal Infernal special)
#109 Mark of Travesty (ninja/stealth)
#110 Ornament of the Magician (cursed)
#111 3 x Pendant of the Magi
#112 2 x Protector of the Battle Mage [Town Fund – Marie Cailin]
#113 5 x Robe of the Equinox (all wearable by humans)
#114 Royal Guard survival knife [replica] [Town Fund – Morgan Ironfist]
#115 Scrapper’s Compendium (Eval +11)
#116 Scrapper’s Compendium (MR +1)
#117 Shadow Dancer leggins (cursed) [Town Fund – Shakespeare]
#118 Soul Seeker [Town Fund – Victim]
#119 Swords of Prosperity [Town Fund – Becca]
#120 Talisman of the Fey (cu sidhe form)

Assorted Deco
#121 2 x Blessed Statue [Town Fund – Kelmo]
#122 2 x Candelabra of Souls
#123 Carvable pumpkin & jack o’lantern carving kit [Town Fund – Fogsbane]
#124 Cupid statue
#125 Dragon head deed
#126 Dread Horn tainted mushroom (far right one in link image)
#127 2 x Fountain of Life
#128 Four assorted large pieces of blackrock

#129 Four creeping vines (one of each type in both facings) [Town Fund – Victim]
#130 Horse barding deed [Town Fund – York]
#131 Large aquarium (East)
#132 Raised Garden Bed
#133 Ringmail armour tunic (Experimental Room reward)
#134 Rubble easel

#135 Rubble pier

#136 2 x Ruined banner (Experimental Room reward) [blockable object, two stories tall]
#137 Sherry the Mouse statue
#138 6 x Ship’s strongbox [Town Fund – Sam]
#139 Set of four Dread Horn tainted mushrooms (one of each type)
#140 Silver Sapling deed
#141 Soulforge deed
#142 Spider Web deed
#143 Stygian Dragon head [Town Fund – Shakespeare]
#144 5 x Tragic remains of Travesty
#145 12 x Twilight Lanterns (six orange, six black)
#146 Two flowstones (Experimental Room rewards)

#147 Two rubble spiked wooden wall pieces

Holiday gifts
#148 6th anniversary bag plus cake, fireworks wand with 499 charges, Evocare bell

#149 A pile of snow [Town Fund – York]
#150 Flowerpot [December ’99]

#151 Four holiday statues (Dupre [purple], Jaana [red], Joye [green], Minax [yellow])

#152 Holiday gift ticket 2010 [Town Fund – Victim]
#153 Mailbox [Town Fund – Becca]
#154 Mannequin deed [Town Fund – Becca]
#155 Six holiday snow globes (Heartwood, Hythloth, Shrines of Chaos, Honesty, Humility, Valor)
#156 Six mini house deeds (Brick, Large house w/patio, Small brick, Small stone workshop, Two-story stone & plaster, Wooden)
#157 Two Christmas dragons

Primeval Lich Deco
#158 A mummified corpse [Town Fund – Becca]

#159 Demon skull [Town Fund – Morgan Ironfist]

#160 Eight-piece rack set

#161 Iron Maiden

#162 Primeval Lich executioner’s axe deed
#163 Totem (Lever Puzzle/Puzzle Board reward)
#164 Two fallen branches and two brambles

Resources
#165 10 Corruption [Town Fund – Victim]
#166 100 Crystals of Shame [Town Fund – Mish O Sha]
#167 5000 Empty bottles
#168 12000 Enhanced bandages [Town Fund – Beli Mawr]
#169 30000 Logs
#170 10 Putrefaction [Town Fund – Victim]
#171 10 Scourge [Town Fund – Victim]

Scrolls
#172 115 Mysticism scroll [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#173 120 Evaluate Intelligence scroll [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#174 120 Resisting Spells scroll [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#175 +25 Stat scroll [New Magincia – Morgan Ironfist]
#176 +25 Stat scroll
#177 Forensics SoA [Town Fund – York]
#178 Peacemaking SoA [Town Fund – York]
#179 1.5 (total) Anatomy SoTs [Town Fund – York]

Stealables [artifact rarity]
#180 4 x Bamboo stool [6]
#181 Blade of the Righteous [10]
#182 Blanket of Darkness [8] [Town Fund – York]
#183 Figurehead, ship’s bell & stern anchor of BMV Ararat

#184 Pushme pullyu [8]
#185 Saddle [9]
#186 Three Dojo stealables (Flowers[7]/fish sculpture[8]/monk sculpture[9])

Talismans [normal bonus/exceptional bonus]
#187 Blacksmithing 25/25
#188 Carpentry 28/20
#189 Cooking 26/26
#190 Fletching 28/21
#191 Inscription 29/12
#192 Masonry 25/15
#193 Tailoring 26/25
#194 Tinkering 27/22
#195 Vermin slayer
#196 Hygieia’s Amulet (+10% alchemy bonus)

Tokens
#197 Ancestral Gravestone token
#198 Character Transfer token (unusuable on Siege; can be exchanged for Seventh Age token) [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#199 Crystal token [Town Fund – Aislin]
#200 Earring of Protection token
#201 2 x Eighth Anniversary token [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#202 Evil Furniture token [Town Fund – Becca]
#203 Heritage token [New Magincia – Morgan Ironfist]
#204 Heritage token
#205 Legacy token [New Magincia – Frost]
#206 Race Change token [Town Fund – Becca]
#207 2 x Seventh Anniversary token [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#208 Shadow token [Town Fund – Aislin]
#209 Stygian Abyss Statuette token [Town Fund – Becca]
#210 2 x Twelfth Anniversary gift ticket [Town Fund – Becca]

Veteran rewards [year] (can be used by anyone)
#211 Black dye tub [1st]
#212 Leather dye tub [2nd]
#213 Ethereal Ridgeback [4th]
#214 Dead for a Stone Ankh [5th] [Town Fund – Becca]
#215 Ethereal Swamp Dragon [5th]

Miscellaneous
#216 A Vollem held in a crystal
#217 An imprisoned dog (Travesty drop)
#218 Bag or runic hammers (6 copper, 1 bronze, 3 golden) [Town Fund – Kelmo]
#219 Collection of ten different “newbie” clothes (blessed, dyeable, rapid decay if dropped)

#220 Endless decanter of water
#221 Five artifacts bearing the crest of Minax (turn-in quality)
#222 5 x Forged pardon
#223 Four old slayer bows (Dragon slaying, Earth shatter, Spider’s death, Vacuum)

#224 Hitching post [replica] (15 uses remaining, rechargeable number-2) + two hitching ropes [New Magincia – Sir AJ]
#225 Hunter Green pigment (1 use)
#226 Pet Bonding Potion
#227 Three-tiered cake recipe scroll [Town Fund – Fogsbane]

On Sunday, 10th August at 3pm Eastern, the shard will be holding another auction to help raise money for our town treasuries (aka the Governor Slush Fund [GSF]). Sixty lots will be sold at the live event, which should take two hours, with the remaining items being sold in a separate forum auction.

Venue & auctioneer 

The auction will take place at Gilfane Arena and I will be acting as auctioneer again. The arena is located a little east of the Skara ferry in the central Gilfane area (see map). You can also get there via teleporters: the “Gilfane” teleporter in the Hub Pub east of Umbra will bring you to the Citadel next door, and one directly to the Arena will be available from New Magincia Town Hall (the building closest to the bank). And, barring unforeseen circumstances, EM Troubadour should have gates to the event from key locations.

The auction will be held on the top floor: follow the stairs up to the second floor then use one of the teleporters south of the fountain. Auction staff will be wearing the Gilfane black and/or blood-red colours.

Commission & donations

The auctioneer will levy a charge of 5% on all lots sold and the money so raised (the “Town Fund”) will be split equally between the nine towns that make up the King’s Council. In addition, many lots have been donated entirely for the benefit of the Town Fund (100% of sale price to fund) or to an individual town (5% to Town Fund, 95% to nominated town).

The public is also welcome to make a cash donation directly to the auctioneer, in favour of either the Town Fund or a specific town. This is no different than giving cash directly to the town heralds except that your donation will appear in the official accounts and will therefore be recorded for posterity.

Supporting activities

The following promotions will be in place at the event, with all monies raised going to the Town Fund:

a) Priority seating: With lot #101 in the forum auction, there is the opportunity to bid for the best seats in the house at Gilfane Arena.

b) Raffle draw: Raffle tickets will be on sale again for 100k each, and the prize this time is a pillory deed. This is an extremely rare drop from the Primeval Lich and only around a half dozen are known to exist here.

d) Food concessions: Commemorative cakes will be on sale again and we are delighted to announce that this batch will be baked by none other than Sosaria’s most famous cook, Queen Mum!

Auction house rules

All those attending the sale are asked to be considerate to other participants and not do anything to disrupt or unnecessarily delay proceedings, especially pointless spamming of text and/or spells. Those engaging in aggressive, disorderly or suspicious behaviour are liable to be removed from the building by officials. In addition, the following prohibitions are in effect:

a) No hiding or stealthing within the arena building, unless authorized to do so or in self-defence.

b) No casting of spells in the arena building unless authorized to do so or in self-defence. Exceptions are minor beneficial spells such as night sight, provided these are not spammed. The opening of gates is specifically banned; please go outside to do this.

c) No sitting in the priority seating (the thrones) without authorization.

d) No entering the secure area (grassy part of the arena) without authorization (such as when purchasing winning bids).

Bidding

Bids can be made at the live event by calling out the amount that you wish to bid. In the case of two identical bids, the one accepted will be the first that appears in the auctioneer’s journal.

The auctioneer will try and keep bidding at set levels in relation to the current bid price, but this is not set in stone. However, bids of odd amounts or only marginally above the current high bid may either be rejected or rounded down. The general bid levels are as follows:

up to 200k: increments of 10k
200k – 500k: increments of 25k
500k – 1 million: increments of 50k
1 – 2 million: increments of 100k
2 – 5 million: increments of 250k
5 – 10 million: increments of 500k
over 10 million: increments of 1 million

Winning bidders

Although encouraged to stay until the end of the auction, winning bidders may claim their items at any time by approaching an assistant cashier (not the auctioneer, please). You should then follow their instructions to get to the secure checkout area. Sales will be made via a vendor.

If you have to leave the auction unexpectedly and do not have time to claim your items, please at least inform an official. Failure to claim items or give notice may lead to them being offered to the underbidder instead.

Reserve Price

Many items in the sale will carry a reserve price. If bids do not meet or exceed this reserve price, the lot will go unsold. Even if no reserve has been specified, the auctioneer may, at his discretion, decline to sell a lot if he does not believe that a reasonable bid has been offered.

Commission bids

We encourage as many people as possible to try and attend the auction, but if you are unable to do so, and do not have anyone who can act on your behalf, then it is possible to send in a bid in advance of the sale, known as a commission bid. A commission bid represents the maximum amount your are prepared to pay for the item, and the auctioneer will bid on your behalf up to this amount.

The following rules apply to commission bids:

a) To make a commission bid, PM me with “Commission bid” as the title. Include the lot number and description of the item(s) you wish to bid on, together with the maximum amount you are prepared to pay. Bids should be in line with the amounts shown in the “Bidding” section above. Do not post your commission bids in this thread!

b) If I do not know you, and it is not obvious from your Stratics name, then please tell me who you are in-game. Commission bids may be limited or even rejected from complete strangers without some sort of security.

c) In the event of identical commission bids, the one received first will take priority.

d) Commission bids must reach me by the end of Saturday (9th August) to be guaranteed for inclusion.

e) Commission bids are held in strict confidence and will not be revealed to anyone other than the auctioneer. However, the identity of any winning bidders will be entered into the public record.

f) Successful bidders will be notified of any items that they win. Please try and make arrangements to collect the items within forty-eight hours of the end of the sale. Failure to make adequate communications with the auctioneer may result in the items being withdrawn and offered instead to the underbidder.

Official accounts & settlement

A record of sale prices and all monies raised will be published after the auction. The auctioneer will deposit the money raised for each town directly.

Settlement with those who have submitted items for sale will be made as soon as practicable.

Confidentiality & liability

All reserve prices, commission bids and other privileged information from buyers & sellers will be kept in confidence by the auctioneer except in the event of a new auctioneer having to be appointed due to illness or force majeure.

Final responsibility for items being sold, monies raised thereon, and the conduct of the auction, lies with the auctioneer and not the members of the King’s Council.

Live sale listing

Unless otherwise stated, lots give 5% of sale price to Town Fund, 95% to seller.
Lots marked [Town Fund] indicate that 100% of sale price goes to the Town Fund.
Lots marked [individual town] give 5% of sale price to Town Fund, 95% to specified town.
Names shown are the person that donated the item.

#1 Tome of Lost Knowledge (blessed) [Town Fund – Becca]
#2 Yellow polkadot bikini top (rare MiB loot) [Town Fund – Sam]
#3 A blessed lucky necklace (200 luck) [Town Fund – Kelmo]
#4 A gilded statue from the personal collection of the king [Yew – York]

#5 Trammel Moonstone (light brown) [Town Fund – Fogsbane]
#6 Bloody sash (transforms wearer into werewolf at night)
#7 Five Halloween costumes (bloodworm/gazer/giant toad/skeleton/terathan warrior)
#8 Legacy token [New Magincia – Morgan Ironfist]
#9 Staff of Pyros [Town Fund – Shakespeare]
#10 Demon Bridle ring [Town Fund – Victim]
#11 Haochi’s Pigments token (good for one bottle) [Town Fund – Victim]
#12 120 Focus scroll [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#13 Blessed event spellbook (DCI-2, SDI-21, FCR-2, LMC-3) [Yew – Gilfane Treasury]
#14 A kitten raised by Mesanna (blue/grey) [Town Fund – Fogsbane]
#15 2 x Race Change token [Town Fund – Becca]
#16 Five Primeval Lich gravestone sets (five stones, ten grave dirt)

#17 A Primeval Lich small banana tree

#18 Eight Primeval Lich stone spikes (Four small, four large)

#19 Primeval Lich six-piece vat set

#20 Three Primeval Lich Lava tiles (image shows CC on left, EC on right)

#21 Slither
#22 Ethereal Beetle [5th year veteran reward]
#23 Two complete sets of ten grapevines (20 items) [Town Fund – Sam]

#24 2 x Academic bookcase
#25 2 x +25 Stat scroll [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#26 10000 Barbed leather
#27 A Deed for a cannon [7th year veteran reward]
#28 200 Seeds of renewal [Town Fund – Kelmo]
#29 A bucket (semi-rare; no longer spawns; no water version) [Town Fund – Kelmo]
#30 Blessed Captain Crunch AoS thigh boots

#31 Nexus deed
#32 Orc Ship
#33 Forged Metal of Artifacts (5 uses) [Town Fund – Victim]
#34 Swordsmanship 5.0 SoT [Town Fund – Gilfane Treasury]
#35 2 x Soulstone fragment token [Britain – Gilfane Treasury]
#36 Advanced Character token [Town Fund – Becca]
#37 Charger of the Fallen statuette [Trinsic – Kelmo]
#38 Lava tile (Semidar special drop) [This version does not display properly in the EC] [Town Fund – Morgan Ironfist]

#39 +5 Exodus scroll [New Magincia – Morgan Ironfist]
#40 Undertaker’s Staff (not blessed on Siege)
#41 Smuggler’s Edge (not blessed on Siege) [Britain – Holden Caulfield]
#42 3 x Heritage token [Town Fund – Becca]
#43 Rechargeable House Teleporter set (fully charged) [Town Fund – Fogsbane]
#44 Lighthouse [5th year veteran reward] [Town Fund – Holden Caulfield]
#45 Raised Garden Bed
#46 115 fishing scroll
#47 Commodity Deed box [1st year veteran reward]
#48 Ankh of Sacrifice [10th year veteran reward] [Trinsic – Kelmo]
#49 Superior Mage suit [New Magincia – Morgan Ironfist]

#50 Richard Garriott’s bones

#51 Your choice of up to 13th Year Veteran reward [Town Fund – Baby Doll]
#52 120 magery scroll [Town Fund – Shakespeare]
#53 Etheral Tiger statuette [15th year veteran reward] [Skara Brae – Becca]
#54 Secluded keep SW of Trinsic (1688, 3143)
#55 Conjurer’s Garb (140 Luck version)
#56 Conjurer’s Grimoire
#57 2 x Legacy token
#58 Archdemon statue (Abyssal Infernal special)

#59 Britannian ship deed [Skara Brae – Frost]
#60 The Moonglow Mystery Box! (11 items collected by the Governor of Moonglow. Includes at least one 120 scroll)

The next Governor Slush Fund auction, the Summer one, will be taking place on Sunday 10th August at 3pm Eastern. The auction provides an opportunity for folk to buy and sell items, bring the community together for an event, and to raise money for a good cause, which in this case continues to be our town treasuries.†

Full details of the live auction event will be made available in August. The event is designed to last two hours which allows for the sale of around sixty lots. If more items than this are submitted for sale, the excess will be sold in a separate forum auction to be held in the days leading up to the live event.

Commission & donations

The auctioneer will levy a charge of 5% on all lots sold and the money so raised (the “Town Fund”) will be split equally between the participating towns. In addition, lots may be donated entirely for the benefit of the Town Fund (100% of sale price to fund) or to an individual town (5% to Town Fund, 95% to nominated town).

The public is also welcome to make a cash donation directly to the auctioneer in favour of either the Town Fund or a specific town. This is no different than giving cash directly to the town heralds except that your donation will appear in the official accounts and will therefore be recorded for posterity.

Participating towns

All governors are encouraged to support the auction and help advertise it. To make your town eligible for a share of the Town Fund, please PM me or post here to confirm your participation and support.

Reserve price

Items submitted for sale may be assigned a minimum price that the seller is willing to accept, although items may be rejected if the auctioneer views the reserve as unreasonably high and unlikely to lead to a sale.

Submitting items for sale

To submit your items, PM me here. Be sure to include any reserve prices you wish to assign the goods, although these could be changed later. All items are presumed to be for the benefit of the seller unless otherwise stated. If you wish to donate the entire proceeds of an item to the Town Fund or to an individual town, please clearly state this. Items so donated will state the name of the donor unless anonymity is specifically requested. General items for sale will not list the name of the seller unless it is necessary to do so.

Advanced bids

To aid those unable to attend the live event or find a suitable proxy, the auctioneer will take private bids in advance of the sale. Further details on this service will be posted nearer the event.

Official accounts

A record of sale prices and all monies raised will be published after the auction.

Confidentiality & liability

All reserve prices and other privileged information from sellers will be kept in confidence by the auctioneer except in the event of a new auctioneer having to be appointed due to illness or force majeure.

† If you know of a worthy cause you think should be considered for future fund-raising, please PM me.

Previous GSF live auction
Previous GSF forum auction
Previous GSF auction accounts

The accusation: While Moonglow was under quarantine for the plaque, Governor Gooch proceeded to steal a boat and sail away to the island of Nujel’m thus spreading the plague among the citizens.  This action was witnessed by many including the person whose boat was stolen and by our own traveling minstrel Troubadour.

King Blackthorn put these accusations before the counsel at the last meeting for a vote.  It was decided to appease the Sultan a trial would be held.  It almost seemed Governor Gooch wanted one…  [The Gooch]: I DEMAND a trial!

It was then decided that Governor York and Yew would host the trial at the Court of Truth on July 12th 2014 at 10:30pm EST.

Please come and join us to watch an innocent man walk free, or a guilty man lose his head.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 52nd Issue
June 27, 2014

HOW DEADBOB MET LADY TANG
Sometime during the DOS Age, DeadBob crossed the Gallowine River into Sosaria disguised as an itinerant grave robber. Dropping his heavy accent and old surname like a hot grenade, he immediately set about setting up toll booths on the highways and bridges, accosting the King’s messengers and sending the Royal family threatening & suggestive letters.
It was during this phase of active communication with the Royal family that Lady Tang, Handmaiden to the Princess Gladwrap, came across the Princess’ collection of DeadBob’s more suggestive letters and became intrigued by his vivid imagination, or “Fevered delusions,” as she coyly opined. Being of helpful heart, Lady Tang set out one day with Lord Protector Sir GaggingLance to save DeadBob’s immortal soul and to bring his mortal body into civilized society. They found him under a nearby toll bridge singing lurid elf songs to guffawing trolls. The good Lady prevailed upon him to accept a full pardon and job as the editor of the Kingdom’s newspaper, the Sosarian Beagle, at a salary highway men can only dream of, in exchange for which he reluctantly gave up his sordid outlaw ways.
Under Lady Tang’s tutelage, DeadBob done good. He delved into indepth articles about the Nobles and set aside enough “unpublishable” material to assure a comfortable retirement on hefty blackmail payments.
EPILOGUE: Last Friday, DeadBob and Lady Tang celebrated their 18th year together, having first met online in 1994 while playing Sierra’s early multiplayer game, ImagiNation Network.

A YORK MOMENT
“I didn’t sleep well last night, so this morning I drank Monster energy drinks instead of coffee. I was on the freeway headed for work when I realized I forgot my car.”

THE PERILS OF KATTASROPHE
Part 2 of 3 Demoiselle en Détresse
“You are just too good!” sneered Mr Bill. “Always helping others, entertaining them by putting on events and plays and interviewing players for the newspaper and even giving away gold and things.
“Then why are you sneering at me?” Katt truly wondered.
“This is my smile,” he sneered. “And on top of everything else, you’re cheerful. Gah!!” And with that, he threw her into a big web and cast a scotch tape spell across her.
“Is this a proposal?” Katt asked, bewildered.
“See what I mean? You’re a forever optimist!”
“Then why am I here?”
“Because, my dear, you make me look bad. And my pets are hungry,” Mr Bill chortled. “You are so charitable, I’m sure you will enjoy feeding them.” He cast a summoning spell into the shadows and swarms of slavering arachnids swarmed towards the trapped Katt who squirmed and struggled against her gluey bonds.
“Oh noooo! Mr. Bill,” she cried!
Will Katt escape the web of the dastardly Mr. Bill? Don’t miss Part 3!

HOROSCOPE
Cancer Jun 22 – Jul 22
You will never again be able to live in peace due to the enduring and seductive power of your moose call.

PKrs BALL
All players are invited to the Annual PKrs BALL & Benefit to be held at 7 PM EST next Friday at the Perilous Inquirer.
Free Liquor will flow. Free Bandages will be soaked. Door Prizes will be Handed Out by the Door Prize Steward and a Drawing will be Held for a complete 52 Volume set of The Perilous Inquirer.
Benefit donations are strictly voluntary and may be placed in the mailbox. 100% of your donation will go to the Widows & Orphans of Alien Abductees.
Don’t miss this Signature Siege Event!
Ghost Hosted by DeadBob.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 52nd Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward.
Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the conversation at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-last-issue.317569/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 51st Issue
June 20, 2014

EM TROUBADOUR
Interview by Kattasrophe
EM Troubadour has played Ultima Online since the first day of its release. “I considered myself luck to live in one of the few countries that already had cable Internet which really helped,” he said.
“I won’t say it was a choice to go on Siege, but I did volunteer for the shard. “I think that Siege presents a greater challenge for both, player and EM and I love a good challenge,” he commented after me asking if he chose Siege.
What shard is EM Troubadour originally from? “I started out on Atlantic and while I have characters on many different shards, Atlantic is and always will be my home.
What made him decide to become an EM? “After almost 17 years in a game, you tend to look for new ways to contribute to something you love. This seemed like a great way to give something back to the community. I also get to kill people! What could be better than that?
What is his favorite template? “That is a difficult question. I use different characters for different things. Fishing when I want to relax, a tamer for Peerless or T-maps, a mage variant for most PvM and some PvP.”
See the complete “EM Troubador Interview” on Stratics.

WoW USING SIEGE FOR RENDITION
This reporter has learned that WoW players set up a secret base here on Siege Perilous to interrogate opponents, using methods too harsh for the WoW Code Of Conduct. “It’s also a lot of fun,” according to my unnamable source. “This place rocks.”

THE PERILS OF KATTASROPHE
Part 1 of 3 Demoiselle en Détresse
The beautiful Princess Kattasrophe, known to her friends and court familiars as Katt, most graciously tipped the messenger who brought her flowers as he bowed & scraped away. Suddenly, she heard a buzzing at her ear and felt a sting on her neck. Viciously slapping the bee to the floor, she raised her foot to stomp it when she noticed, “That’s no ordinary bee. It looks like….” The sting from the Hypnotic Bee made her woozy.
Dashing to the window, she flung it open for fresh air as more bees rose from the roses. Dizzy from the sting, Princess Katt fell out the window, pursued by the swarm of bees. It was a long way down. Luckily, she was wearing full petticoats that bloomed open to form a parachute and slow her fall. Unluckily, the swarm of bees now gained on her. Their hypnotic buzzing formed words, “Marry Mr. Bill, marry Mr. Bill,” they repeated over and over.
“Oh noooo! Mr. Bill,” cried Katt as she landed next to a moongate. Stepping hastily into it avoid more bee stings, she failed to notice the quirky oddness of the moongate until she was transported and then it vanished altogether! Where was she? Had she escaped from the Dastardly Mr. Bill only never return to her beloved Hearth Castle, home of her loving family?
Princess Katt drew herself up to her full 4’7″ and looked around. It was a dark and stormy night. She was cold and hungry and now wet. Ahead, she could barely make out a glow of light that resolved into candle lit windows as she approached a small cottage. Knocking on the door, she couldn’t stop thinking about Mr. Bill’s despicable attempt to force her to marry him. What was he thinking?
Suddenly, the door opened and she was whisked inside. The high pitched squeaky laugh of Mr. Bill greeted her as his eight spider legs danced insanely on the floor.
“Oh noooo! Mr. Bill,” cried Katt, reaching for her frying pan.
Will Katt escape the clutches of The Dastardly Mr. Bill? Don’t miss Part 2 in the next issue of the Perilous Inquirer!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Ander, “I always got caught by the GM without a pickaxe and UO jail is really dull without it.”

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What TV show featured the Play-doh character, Mr. Bill?”

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 51st Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward.
Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-51st-issue.317300/

:From the notes of Startle

So I’m sitting on one of my fallen logs the other day contemplating who knows what, when I noticed a distress call from none other than our own Lady Sara Dale. It seems that she had somehow forgotten to anchor her ship when going for a swim, and it kept drifting away – leaving her with little recourse other than her almost forgotten GIL help signal (which she hadn’t had to use in what – 50 years or so)…

Anyway, as is most often the case when a GIL member requests help – we show up in numbers. As it happened, Lady Hoffs, Garfield and myself were on duty that evening, and since it was Sara – we most naturally assumed she was simply up to no good (or drawing us into a puzzle of some odd nature). Hell, I’m thinkin’ a prank for sure….

Long story short, we didn’t buy the innocent Help thing from her, sorry…
So Hoffs, Garfield and I – after what I must admit was an extremely short deliberation on our part – decided to turn the tables on Ms Trickster and pretend we’re going to just leave her there overnight and teach her a lesson about yelling Help in a situation that just didn’t seem all that dire to us, ie obviously the sea is quite shallow there…..

So we all played our parts as seriously as possible with this group. We told her that we had it on very reliable sources that, she had decided to join Factions and that she could get rich by joining com and giving them all our top secret secrets and Loot House access and some other stuff equally dumb. Hoffs even threw in the ultimate insult, knowing full well the possible consequences of such a taunt.

Well , needless to say – not much of that went over well with Lady Sara, and – after a few very well chosen words on her part – she was quickly forgiven. If you’re wondering what those magic words were that turned the tables in her direction, I can only remember the ones that seemed responsible for a tiny hint of a squint in Lady Hoffs stare. ( Or it could have been the salt spray for all I know). Anyway, I wasn’t there as a reporter, as I’d left reporting on a stone, so I can’t give you every single word….If I get anything wrong you can sue me. I do remember hearing (not necessarily in any order) some or most of the following words: Loot House and ownership, plus a couple more that I couldn’t make out with her mic in the down position as is oft the case ….

So – no sooner had Sara pulled her Ladyship card out, when out of the blue Garfield up and gates off what surely seemed to be THE Rune of Exacting Precision (which was last seen in Sara’s hold a week or so back, btw), and of course it lands him squarely at Sara’s precise spot, where he rescues her, bla bla bla – I did noticed, however, that he put his return gate right next to M’Lady’s hold, and by the time she checked, her Rune of Exacting Precision was right there where it should be. I do not know for certain if Garfield had quietly returned it or if it was there all along, and beyond a hard glance at Garfield, Lady Sara once again resumed her fishing….

I know, this all seems a bit unsolved (especially the mystery of the rune)- but I can only swear to what I saw and heard.
I did, however take pics:

Pic-1 taken upon our arrival:

Pic-2 taken during the taunting period

Pic-3 taken as Garfield gates to her rescue…..

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 50th Issue
Friday the 13th, June, 2014

FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY ISSUE

PORTENTS
In the wee hours of this morning, I put together the 50th issue of the Perilous Inquirer on Friday the 13th during a full moon. A black cat crossed my thoughts. I saw the night through the open window in front of my desk as a meteor streaked through a display of the aurora borealis, a giant hand wrote Vote For Change across the sky in wind swept clouds and a flock of crows flew by in the shape of a middle finger. From the street below my window came the sounds of a large dog being unexpectedly struck by a larger vehicle. Suddenly, I had the overpowering feeling that the end was near.
Yes, issue 52 will be our last issue. But to the very end, we shall publish only the truth, and we shall never quote out of context.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“I also have it on good authority that the Stratics mods were behind 9/11 and are heading the research on some crashed UFOs in the Nevada desert. There has also been talk that they were involved in the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in 1914, but that one seems a little far-fetched to me.”
– Hoffs, from his forthcoming book, Confessions To My Analyst.

GOVERNORS INVESTIGATED
– by Kattasrophe
Governors Gooch and Kattasrohe are being investigated. Why you ask? Gooch is being investigated for the harassment of the people in Nu’Jelm and for breaking Moonglow’s quarantine. Kattasrophe is charged with the murder of Moonglow citizens. Join the discussion of their actions this Sunday, June the 15th, at the Council meeting in Serpent’s Hold. Get the real story!

THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF JACK CORDWOOD
Jack, UO Bowyer and avid hunter, was interviewed by an animal rights activist who plays on the European shard. The journalist asked, “What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, ‘Are you my friend?’ or is it ‘Are you the one that killed my brother?'”
Jack replied, “Deer aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, ‘What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away.’ They are very much like animal rights activists.” The interview ended at that point.
Buy Jack Cordwood Bows! Shoot straight!

HOROSCOPE
Gemini May 21 – Jun 21
Avoid people who find personally meaningful patterns in the movement of stars and planets.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What was the occupation of Richard Garriott’s father?”

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
EM Is Anti-Family:
Troubadour is ant-family! He scheduled a Governors’ Meeting for Father’s Day!!
– Bo “Bo” Bo
~
Official Response:
Trou simply scheduled the Governors’ Meeting on the best day available.
Bo ain’t the father, anyway.
– Spokesperson, Wulf2k

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 50th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward.
Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
Supplier of Red Leaves: Sara Dale
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fiftieth-anniversary-issue.317033/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 49th Issue
June 6, 2014

ONLY 3 ISSUES REMAINING
The Perilous Inquirer will cease publication after the forthcoming 52nd issue. It’s been a year of fun. So many others have contributed that I cannot name them all here but readers and supporters know who they are. Please accept my heartfelt thanks, all of you. Some readers, probably those less literate or completely unhinged, actually collect all issues. Back copies will continue to be placed for a while on the vendor, Siege Droppings.
Priorities change. I have finished my novel, The Phoenix Diary, and am currently self-editing the final draft. So I’ll be spending July onward promoting it to publishers. Wish me luck It’s not deathless prose; but a light Sci-Fi adventure about 3 teens and their quest to restore civilization in the world of 2100. You can get an idea of it at http://ThePhoenixDiary.com. Oh, and the illustrator, Rachel Cowan, is a player I met on UO.

CASINO NIGHT
The 3rd Barter Town Casino Night is this Sunday June 8th 8:00-9:00pm EST
Read all about it here: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-3rd-barter-town-casino-night-sunday-june-8th-8-00-9-00pm-est.315758/
Pictures included for those who um, need them.

ADVICE TO THE LOVE-LOST
By Dr. BN’dere-Dundat
StUdLy writes: “I got a great bod! Flowing blond hair, rakish mustache. Big sword and I’m naked!! My title is “Ready” -yet girls don’t talk to me much. What else do I need?”
Dr. Ruth: “A life?”
~
Wyllng writes: “Please help me *sob* Dr. Ruth. I meet so many wonderful guys here and they always say such nice things to me and fill me with their joy and then I fall in love with them and give them my heart and then *uncontrollable sob* I find out all they wanted wasn’t my heart at all but….”
Dr. Ruth: “Thanks, Willng. I understand. Be comforted that this never happens to you in the real world, does it, my dear?”

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH REPORT
Stoned guy still waiting for stop sign to turn green.

HOROSCOPE
Gemini May 21 – Jun 21
Enlightenment and confusion will be yours this week, when a tree falls in the woods only to make the sound of one hand clapping.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What spell did UO ban after it was used to bombard people inside their homes?”

BELLAIRE MUSEUM SHOP
Ring in the Summer at the classy Bellaire Museum Shop, just SE of the TerMur moongate, within GuardZone.
Always stocked with unique items you won’t find elsewhere. Walk to the roof and enjoy a safe and pleasant shopping trip.
Holden Caulfield, Proprietor.

CORRECTION
In the last issue we may have incorrectly reported that the new guild from Atlanta is named Exported Exulted Exiles Klub (EEEK). The correct name is Exported Exulted Exiles (~**~). Or maybe they just changed their name to embarrass us. We report, you decide.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 49th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward.
Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-49th-issue.316763/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 48th Issue
May 30, 2014

GUILD MOVES TO SIEGE
A small Atlantic guild, Exported Exulted Exiles Klub (EEEK), has opened their doors in Malas. Similar to NEW2, the guild members spend their time and resources helping other players.
Some of you may know the Guildmistress, Shachar, who has an impeccable reputation on Atlantic as a community supporter. (I will personally vouch for her. She helped raise over 200 million gold in a single event for the Hall Of Players on Atlantic.)
These are experienced UO players who expect to enjoy the excitement of Siege life and they could bring in more players who actually stay here.
We welcome them to Siege.

SERVERS DOWN
Spokesperson Wang Dong, aka UglyGorilla, denied any Chinese involvement in the EMP explosion at Broadsword studios this week.
“Think about it,” he explained, “EMP grenades cost at least 20k on the black market. Each. Destroying a LAN of Commodore VIC-20 servers with an EMP is not economically feasible. It was probably the North Koreans.”

And now, for all the Chicken fighters out there….
CHICKEN FIGHT SONG
Sing it Loud & Sing it Proud
(To the tune of “South Park”)
“Chicken Fighters everywhere,
Fighting fowl & never fair,
Ripping flesh & eyeballs popping,
Opponents slipping on our droppings!
Fighting on for gory glory,
Singing sagas of our story.
Chicken Fighters EveryWhere!”
(repeat ad nausium

UO SURVEY
Real life surveys show that production shard players say, “Oh S***” before their car slides into a ditch on a slippery road. Siege players say, “Hold my beer and watch this.”

HOROSCOPE
Gemini May 21 – Jun 21
You will be forced to leave the best home you ever had when the authorities realize your sentence is up.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“Who started the guild, Exported Exulted Exiles?”

BELLAIRE MUSEUM SHOP
Ring in the Summer at the classy Bellaire Museum Shop, just SE of the TerMur moongate, within GuardZone.
Always stocked with unique items you won’t find elsewhere. Walk to the roof and enjoy a safe and pleasant shopping trip.
Holden Caulfield, Proprietor.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 48th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward.
Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Ace Reporter: Governor Lady Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-48th-issue.316502/