The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 30th Issue
January 24, 2014

TROUBLE
Strikes Again!
– by Kattasrophe, age 12
Old PKers and new ones have arrived! Some are out for blood and some are here to protect blues.
Lilith*, Ghost, Satan* and God are back! Already they have made many kills, and probably a few attempted but failed ones. Tom Gaits and Waits are a new team of Pkers. So are Hey Arnold, Crunch, Tvoir and Sugar Smacks.
As for the ones who have stayed, Ru, Flair, Tru, Harold, Bo, Sal Manila, Grace, Captain Sureno, Parium The Black, Singularity, Dionysis & Grimlex.
Have you been bored for awhile? Not for long…. Watch out Family of Siege Perilous, the PKers are out!
[** “They killed me too,” said DeadBob. “But that was kinda like beating a dead horse, if y’know what I mean.”]

WHO’S WHO IN PK?
Anyone interested in contributing to a “Who’s Who” of Siege PKers?
The Perilous Inquirer is looking for knowledgeable vets to help compile a comprehensive listing of the better known PK characters who have spiced up life on Siege. You can submit entries one by one for weekly publication in the newspaper. We’d like the name, and something about their exploits, for each entry.
The entries will later be collected into one volume.
Just drop your Who’s Who name into our mailbox or PM DeadBob on tratics.Thanks!

OVERHEARD IN CHAT
“One advantage of this frigid cold is that I don’t have to put away leftovers when my kitchen is as cold as my ice box.”
– Talia

GOOGLE RECALLS TREKKER
Google’s Street View Car, Trekker, has been officially recalled from Siege Perilous.
“Soon as we find what they did with it, we’re pulling it out,” said a spokesperson wearing really strange glasses.
“The last image we received showed it being chased by what we think are rogue elements from a renaissance faire. What kind of place is Siege Perilous, anyway?”

DEAL OR NO DEAL
– by Kattasrophe & Grimlex
Hello again, I am your Host for Deal or No Deal! To play the game it costs 200k.
To watch the game is free. Booze will be provided along with having a fun time!
The rules are simple. You are not allowed to attack someone inside the house. No fighting. And the last important rule is, “Have fun!”

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What Siege character’s name is a short version of Peter Villinski?”

HALL OF PLAYERS
Thanks for donating your named statues, Ilexia
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit. The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 30th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-30th-issue.310651/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 29th Issue
January 17, 2014

DR. TRU DDS, DMV
Offers quick & painless tooth extraction. “The trick is to administer the anesthetic simultaneously with the extraction,” confided the dentist. “They never feel a thing.”

MOONGLOW MARATHON
Town Event 4pm EST Sunday, 26 Jan 14
Meet at the Moonglow Lyceum.
Grand Prize: A Charger Of The Fallen. Plus a gold prize & other goodies. Booby Prize: the guy who fell off the Charger (probably Garth.)
Details posted by Governor York on UO.Stratics Siege Perilous forum:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/moonglow-marathon-sunday-january-26th-4pm-east.310073/

WHEN RU STEALS A MIND
– Kattasrophe, Age 12
After dealing with Ru being a thief of the mind, I find the aftermath to be horrible! Although when he steals your mind you do not remember a thing, at the same time you are still there, fighting to have your memory back. So, what do you do to keep him from stealing your mind? The answer is a frying pan…
Until next time. *hopes to keep her mind*

LIFE ON FELUCCA?
National Aeronautics of Shard Atlantic (NASA) has landed a Rover on Felucca to explore the possibility of life there. “With all these houses and castles, we believe Rover is bound to sniff out a live character somewhere in these vast lands. We just have to be patient.”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit. The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

COLORADO SHARD
UO may announce the opening of a new shard dedicated to pot smokers. “This could be the start of a new, inexpensive game genre,” proclaimed spokeswoman Hashberry, “No more resources spent creating quests, story arcs or even detailed world building. All they’ll need are groovy colors and sitar music. Imagine, a whole game in just one screen!”

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What regular Siege player named his character after the Greek god of wine?”

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 29th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: Moonglow Governor York
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/forums/uo-siege-perilous.60/create-thread

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 28th Issue
January 10, 2014

SQUAT & GO
Denies sewer rat infestation. “We don’t care to speculate on how Talia received those bite marks on her backside, but it was not from using one of our conveniences.”

THE FLAIR INTERVIEW
Flair, 36, is also a news reporter for UO on the fansite, Stratics.
Flair came to Siege Perilous to play with her friends, Kelmo, Luka, Tia, Shamous and Tazar. When Flair first came to Siege, Kelmo chased her all around Tazar’s house, killing her to welcome her to Siege. Thus her guild title, “Kelmo’s Chew Toy.”
She found Siege Perilous appealing because if you get mad at someone you can go and kill them. She enjoys the challenge of playing here. She was introduced to Ultima Online by a friend’s husband. She fell in love with news reporting by being able to get the word and writing stories about what was ingame.
To come to a conclusion, Flair thinks anyone who is looking for something different should come to Siege.
(Side note: This is not the full story. To see the full story look for Katt’s thread titled, “The Full Story Of Flair” on the Siege Perilous forum.

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
El-Ninio: “El-Ninio” in the late 90s we had a real bad season of storms and “El-Nino” was the name they gave the phenomenon that brought the storms. it was blamed for everything from tornadoes out east to forest fires in california. El-Nino was destroying things all over. there were a few people named “El-Nino” and to be different i misspelled it on purpose. El was / is my attempt at pvp. “Ride the rainbow , crack the sky. stormbringer comin’ … time to die”
Borg: “Borg” well, im a star trek nut.

NIGERIAN MINISTER
Of Natural Resources announces the opening of a new UO Gold mine. Interested investors should contact their offices on Atlantic at One Luna Square.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“If you use a Green Thorn in the snow on Arctic Isle, what happens?”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit. The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

ELDER SCROLLS ONLINE
If y’re in the BETA, the game will be up & running from 6pm tonight until midnight Sunday. See you there! (I’m DeadBob in ESO

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 28th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: Borg, El-Ninio
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-28th-issue.310013/

The Perilous Inquirer
New Years Issue
January 3, 2014

NEWS FLASH
Acting on his New Year’s Resolution to turn over a new leaf, Diablo has become a nun. He was last seen in a nunnery contemplating his sins, chief amongst them being cross dressing. Asked why he dressed like that, he confessed, “It’s a habit.”

BEING A POOR GIRL ON SIEGE
– by Kattasrophe
I was walking the streets of Moonglow when I spotted a young woman in ragged clothes. Her necklace had the name, “Poor Girl.” I asked her name. She answered, “Call me poor.”
I didn’t see why, “What is it, actually?”
She replied, “Jennifer.”
Taking a check out of my bank, I handed it to her.
In response, she said, “Thank you. This will help me become a Wildlife Manager.”
I could tell by her clothes she was either very new to the lands or had been wandering a long time. Curiosity took over with the question, “What brings you to these lands?” With that, a smile arose on her face.
“Five years ago, I was wandering these lands. All the others had insurance. I hated that. I went in search of a place without it. Siege was my get-away. A few years did pass and I fell into a deep sleep. I just woke up a few days ago.”
I nodded slowly and after giving her some armor, I wished her the best of luck.
[Reporter’s note: This is a true story about Poor Girl in NEW2]

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
Apollyon: “Apollyon is the name of an ancient god, symbolizing truth, light, justice and necessary evil. It means that a man must become strong before he can be good or evil. Good and evil are impossible without the strength to choose one or the other. Apollyon is the deity that forces this choice onto humans. Apollyon puts humans into situations where they must choose good or evil and then must acquire the strength to bear the burden of the consequence of this choice.  Apollyon is the entity that creates choice and makes it possible for men.”
Lai Tash: “Well it’s simple: both Lai and Tash are my names irl, better don’t ask how it’s even possible.”
Zalfein: “Zalfein first appeared on Catskills, back in the nineties, as a Dark Elf. His name was inspired from the name Zaknafein (father of Drizzt), a drow from R.A. Salvatore-Forgotten Realms novels.”

STOP CONTINENTAL DRIFT
As part of the overall umbrella group, Stop Stuff, dedicated to stopping climate change, teenage sex, drugs, war, cavities, drunk driving, back pain, corporate greed, hunger, ingrown nails, birth defects, crime, pollution, self abuse, discrimination, obesity, hair loss, forest fires, erectile dysfunction and psoriasis, the Stop Continental Drift movement is dedicated to preventing our continents from colliding, again.
“Gold is good,” said Dr. Grant of Donate Now Damnit, “But what we really need are anchors.”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Hall Of Players is now accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit.
The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 27th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: Apollyon, Lia Tash, Zalfein
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-new-years-issue-2014.309652/

The Perilous Inquirer
Holiday Issue
December 27, 2013

NEW YEARS PARTY
(On Atlantic)
8:PM Final day, 2013
Hall Of Players
“Thieves Night Out”
Have a drink, meet old friends, make new friends, steal anything not locked down at the Hall Of Player’s New Year’s Eve Party.
SHOW UP!
A Door Prize steward will thank you for coming by placing a prize in your pack.
HAVE A DRINK!!
A Drink steward is on each floor to serve you libations while you party.
BE SMART!!!
Trivia Monk stewards on each floor will put a prize into your pack if you answer the trivia question about an exhibit on the same floor.
STEAL STUFF!!!!
Not all of the items you see are part of the exhibits for over 350 UO players. Some are valuable items that are yours to keep if you spot them first.
LOCATION
The Hall of Players is the 17th house on the left out the Luna south gate across from the Brigand Camp at 41N,24W.
A rune to the Hall Of Players is in the Secret Chest out front at the Book Store.
There is a house teleporter to the Hall at the Blue Crane Portal in Zento.
THE HALL OF PLAYERS exists because UO players donated the house and all of the exhibits. It is a remarkable testimony to the generosity and good will of gamers everywhere. This New Years Eve, come and be one of the people who have helped to make Ultima Online the longest running MMO in gaming history! You’ll be in good company.

PET TIP
The tamer told me he castrated his mounts with 2 bricks.
“Does that hurt?”
“Not if you keep your thumbs out of the way.”

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
UncleSham: Sham, noun. a fake or falsehood meant to deceive . i love my country but my government scares the crap out of me. “unclesham”
Troop: It was a simple decision to name Troop. It’s my real life nick name. Troop is also known for wearing his spiffy purple shoes. Purple shoes are also a fascination of mine in real life.
DeadBob: When my kids were young, I often took them to the Renaissance Festival. Participants wear elaborate medieval costumes, but one year the biggest hit was some nut wearing a sheet and riding a stick horse. He called himself Ded Bob and kids of all ages loved him, including me. I thought of him when I started UO. When all else fails, when you have absolutely nothing but a death robe, you can still enjoy humor.

PC SNOBS
Editorial
Political Correctness is just another form of snobbery. Snobs are always self-appointed to decide who is on the inside and has the right way of thinking. Pay attention to what these snobs say and you’ll see they want you to speak the right phrases and behave in ways they approve or be labeled as ignorant, insensitive and just plain wrong. Sound familiar? It should. We all knew snobs in high school. They never grew up.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all.
And if you dear reader are not Christian, I hope you will return these good wishes when & in whatever way you might truly mean it.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 26th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: UncleSham, Troop
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-holiday-issue-2013.309396/

The Perilous Inquirer
25th Anniversary Issue
December 20, 2013

A SPIFFY KEEN PARTY!
Reminder for the Moonglow Holiday Party, this saturday, 12/21/13, at 3 pm EST. We will have gifts, we will have games that everyone can play, and we will have prizes. Please bring your snowpile if you have one! If you dont have one, we have an insane amount of firebombs!!! (Don’t worry they wont flag you or get your guardwhacked) Wear your most creative Holiday Outfit! The party will be held in the empty building behind the moonglow bank. It will last for 2 hours or so, late is better than never! Come Eat, Drink, and Be MERRY!!!
-The Management of Moonglow

ENCOURAGING REPORT
UO Spokesperson Wonko The Sane reports that plenty of players remain delusional enough to become EMs. “Many serious, community minded UO players continue to believe in their fellow players’ willingness to cooperate peacefully in large crowds.” the spokesman pointed out, adding, “We even have one on Siege.”

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
Sir AJ: Well my nickname in real life is AJ and my friends all call me DrAJ. Years ago before UOL my characters were always AJ and since I was always a good guy my two sons joked that it should really be Sir AJ (or SirAJ) in any RPG game I played. When Siege first started it only seemed right that I named my toon Sir AJ since I was a lonely good guy in an ocean of bad guys.
Sir Morder: Sir Morder has 2 playstyles in one name. “Sir” implies the good natured side of me to try and do what’s right. Morder in some languages means “murder”. This is how I had fun in my years on Siege I solo’d Siege for many, many, years killing blues and reds alike. The game changes, and those days are gone…but the THRILL lingers on and on and…
StarKnightGoku: My main Siege character name is StarKnightGoku, an internet handle I’ve been using since I was 11 or so back in 1997, and in UO since 2000. Back in Ye Olden Days there used to be a lot of activity in ParaChat-powered chatrooms, and across a dozen or so chatrooms there was a long-running roleplay of various groups of “Knights” fighting for chatroom supremacy. There were the Blood Knights, Kaos Knights, Star Knights (obviously) and so forth. Most everyone involved used the format ___Knight___ and a lot of us, being 14 and under, went with anime character names. I’ve mostly moved away from using it in the last 8-9 years but I keep on using it here and there just out of oldtimes sake, and it’s nice to occasionally run into people online who recognize it/me years later. Sometimes. I may have created a bit of a bad name for myself with it, so not all the contact I have is positive. Sorry if that wasn’t brief enough, but that’s my personal version of brevity.  😉

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 25th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: Spiffykeen, SirAJ, Sir Morder, StarKnightGoku
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-25th-issue.309127/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 24th Issue
Friday the 13th, December, 2013

DIABLO
Institutes Controversial “Stop & Kiss” Program
When asked, “WTF?” Diablo muhaha’d, “Shadowlords have a duty to prevent Holiday Cheer during the Season and this will do it.”

CHRISTMAS PARTY
Katt’s guild, December 21st at 3pm EST. Expect to see little elves giving out presents, a Santa Trade, a Christmas Poem Contest, Snowball & Fire Fight – and lots more!

HOLIDAY TIP
Surprise your guests with  hors d’oeuvres of field mice drowned in skim milk. Make it a party game with live field mice.

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
Edward Teach: “I chose this name because i was intrigued by Black Beards history. For example I read he didn’t have to kill one person when it came to taking control of a ship, they all agreed and basically volunteered to follow his command. Whether it was due to his intimidating look or his fierce reputation as a ravenous pirate no one will know, but it gives you the opportunity for your imagination to run wild in curiosity….”
Hattori Hanzo: “I wanted to be a samurai here. In my research, Hattori Hanzo stood out, a legendary 16th century samurai ninja who embodied samurai lore. I wanted to be known as honorable and honest, with loyalty to those I befriended. I was dying so much at the time, I decided to become a stealth ninja. That lead to the stealth tamer Hattori Hanzo I am known for on the shard.”
Lorddog: “I started playing with Ultima 2 and upwards and akalebeth (ultima 1). I was very impressed with the handle ‘Lord British’ so I used my name the same. I used Lord Doug, but the game only allowed 7 characters for the name so I shortened it to lorddog and have used this as my handle ever since.  I started Ultima Online from the start and Siege when it opened I moved there and only play there ever since.”

OVERHEARD IN CHAT
<Shoves iPhone down back of pants> “Spy on that, NSA!”
– Dionysis

HALL OF PLAYERS
– Kattasrophe & DeadBob
Construction has begun on the Siege Hall Of Players (HOP.) ANY Siege player may be exhibited in the Hall Of Players, Just drop your named item(s) &/or a book in the Hall’s mailbox once it is open & they will be used to make your exhibit.
To see the first Hall Of Players, visit Atlantic and ask for directions on Chat. The Atlantic Hall exhibits over 350 players, including deceased UO players that their friends want to remember. The HOP is a meaningful and effective way to honor some of the many players who have made UO the longest running MMO in history.
Support the Siege Perilous Hall Of Players. Ask Kattasrophe, Victoria or Vladimir for details.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 24th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: Edward Teach, Hattori Hanzo, Lorddog, Dionysis
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Follow the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-24th-issue.308806/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 23nd Issue
December 6, 2013

TRIVIA HISTORY
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“One of Richard Garriott’s programmers (Shadowmaker in UO, now deceased) added Disney characters to Ultima. Garriott ordered them removed & Shadowmaker obeyed -sorta. He left in a shadow outline of Mickey Mouse giving the finger. That artwork was copied from the box game into UO. It’s slightly distorted but still clearly visible. Where is it?”

NELSON MANDELA BECOMES FIRST POLITICIAN TO BE MISSED
– RePrint from TheOnion.com
Following the death of former South African president and civil rights leader Nelson Mandela today at the age of 95, sources confirmed that the revered humanitarian has become the first politician in recorded history to actually be missed.
Today we lost not only an international hero and a symbol of the resilient human spirit, but also the very first political figure ever said political historian Wallace M. Delaney of Columbia University, adding that Mandela will long be remembered for enduring 27 years in prison in the fight against apartheid, championing equality across the globe, and standing alone as the only world leader whose passing left the international community Certainly people have felt a sense of sorrow at the deaths of politicians in s death is the only one on record that people everywhere unanimously agree has left the world ”
Delaney added that he could not predict who might be the second politician to be missed by humanity, but confirmed there were no viable candidates anywhere out there right now.

THE SHADOW MAN
– by Kattasrophe (age 12)
T’was a stormy night in Luna Bank. Friends were speaking of ghosts, when an invisible man named “a shadow” appeared. I said, “Hello!!” No answer and he started to walk away. We followed him then he dissappeared to the roof. Of course, a non-answering person would make us suspicious! We stalked him as he went in different directions. He finally found an escape route and vanished. We were very angry. At one point he had stepped on m y hand. My hand is still cold from that incident.
Talia says, “He was pretty much naked. I saw his undies.”
Vladimer also replied, “I was about to report him for harassment.”
After the shadow left, we checked Luna Bank floors. On one floor, a shield was left behind. A shadow has stolen something from the Secret Vault of Luna!

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor

CAT: “Easy. Thomas Hewitt Edward Cat. Old show from the ’60’s.  Was waaay ahead of its time. Before anti-Heros, before non-white main characters, before people with disabilities being treated like other people, before parkour, before swat, before genuine well-choreographed martial arts, this series was. Starred a young Robert Loggia as an ex-con cat burglar/ circus aerialist gypsy, who worked as a body guard for people that needed protection, with the police dept using him exclusively. That show deserves kudos for opening the door for so many other shows and characters ”
Delilah the Mad: I created this character long ago with the thoughts that I’m rather loony and that I also have a bit of a temper. When I decided to move to Siege permanently, 2 years ago, I realized that this name was still quite appropriate for my typists mentality.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 23rd Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Contributors: CAT, Delilah the Mad
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-23rd-issue.308504/

The Perilous Inquirer V1,22
Thanksgiving Issue
November 28, 2013

GARGOYLES NOT IN SEASON
The King’s spokesperson warns hunters against bagging gargoyles in this season’s turkey hunts. Using visual aids, Lord Lackey enumerated numerous differences between gargoyles and the common turkey. “Wings is a problem,” he pointed out. “I can see the occasional gargoyle being killed & eaten by mistake. Hopefully, fewer this year than last now that you all have been warned.”

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
York: It’s not a very interesting story; I wanted my character to blend in with non-player characters. I went into a town and seen an NPC named York. It was truly random and extremely effective so much so, that I am frequently thought of as new. York is 8 years old.
Czarina: I was at a antique book store sometime in late 1997. I found a translated russian novel to english there that the cover caught my eye. The book only cost a quarter so i went ahead and bought it. It was a great story about a russian wife referred to as a Czarina. When i logged into ultima online that night I made a new character with that name due to i thought it sounded pretty. It also looked good above her head so i kept it. I also never seen another Czarina so i was glad i found a unique name.
Kattasrophe: I choose this name because one day I was messing around with one of my friend’s at a neighbor’s house and put a dent into his wall. Ever since that day he has called me Kattasrophe. Due to a part of what everyone calls me.

GARGOYLE HUNTING
Tips & Tactics
Recognizing the Dominant Gargoyle means a bigger Thanksgiving Feast for the whole family to enjoy. He can often be identified by the way he acts. When watching a small group of gargoyles in the spring as they approach a hen or come to your calling, look for the longbeard that does all or most of the strutting. He will be the dominant garg nearly every time.

THE KINDNESS PROJECT
– by Kattasrophe age 12
Everyone sees the ranting in chat where people fight and trash talk. Which is all fine & dandy, but I feel sometimes people take it way too far. This week I would like to present a project to you all. If everyone says kind things for a week then perhaps we can start a kindness chain reaction.
Some wonder why the Siege population is so low. It’s because so many are bullies. If we invite new players & show them our good side, we could have wonderful new players here in no time!
Of course there will always be trash talking and fighting, but hey! We can always make it a better day. You can hate me for what I say or you can love me. But I will never change.

GARGOYLE LEFTOVERS RECIPE
Gargoyle Pot Pie
Preheat Elven oven to 350 degrees F.
Melt butter in saucepan and cook chopped onion until tender. Stir in celery and carrots and cook for 2 minutes. Stir in flour and cook for 2 minutes. Add gargoyle stock and bring to a simmer. Add potatoes and simmer until tender. Stir in gargoyle chunks, parsley and peas. Pour mixture into casserole. Top with pie crust and brush with egg. Bake for 30 minutes until crust is golden.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 22nd Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Onomatologist: Rue Tor
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-thanksgiving-issue.308036/

The Perilous Inquirer
21st Issue
November 22, 2013
Contributors: AtlanticVlad, RueTor, Lupe, Fartbarf, Ariana RiverWind, Strawberry, York_Siege, Kattasrophe, Luca Melehan

RECOMMENDS HAVING SIEGE PUT DOWN
Claiming that it is the humane thing to do, and that the shard is “just going to suffer” if kept alive any longer, members of the Save Siege Committee recommended today that Siege be put down.
“We realize this isn’t the easiest thing to hear, but we’ve run a number of tests and unfortunately there’s really nothing more we can do for Siege at this point,” the committee reported.
“Siege is in a lot of pain, folks,” according to committee chairman AtlanticVlad. “Time to think about sending it off peacefully, for its own sake.”
The committee also made several heartfelt assurances that the procedure would be quick and virtually painless.
(w/apologies to theonion.com)

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor

Lupe: “Was my name in spanish class in middle school.  It is a shortened version of Guadalupe, which translates roughly to Wolf-River, and the Lupe part is the wolf part, denoting her taming profession.”
Fartbarf: “I was driving through downtown LA about 10 years ago admiring the creative graffiti. As I was passing under some train tracks, I looked up and saw in big block letters “FARTBARF.” It made me laugh then, and it makes me laugh now.”
Ariana RiverWind: My Father and Mother picked this name for me. You see Anna was my grandmothers name, they wanted to have me to be a namesake, However I wish I was more like Gran, she was the best baker of RiverWind. (I know a lot of people think that this character is named from a certain set of books, but honestly I just came up with it on a whim and said oooo I likes it.)

EVENTS
Chicken Fights: anyone interested should reply to Strawberry’s post on the stratics forum, “Battle Chicken Fights.”
Siege Ambassador: encourage players on other shards to give Siege a try. For some ideas on how, see York_Siege’s post on the stratics forum, “Honestly – Why is Siege Perilous the Best?”

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be one of the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“Where, in our lands, is Gwenno’s  Memorial?”

KATT’s THANKSGIVING
UO Thanksgiving has arrived, will I be able to survive?
A turkey in the oven, friends are stuffin’
Their mouths with wonderful treats.
There are knocking beats at the door; it is a red that wants fed
Should I run or should I stay?
I say “one moment,” and throw a pie at him,
And then I hide!

LUCA LIQUORS
Say “booze” to our Booze Steward & give thanks Luca Melehan for contributing to our Fall assortment of named liquors.

The Perilous Inquirer V1,21
Vol. 1, Twentieth Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Booze Steward stocked this week by Luca Melehan.
Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/forums/uo-siege-perilous.60/create-thread

~sine die~