The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Eighteenth Issue
November 1, 2013

BLACKTHORN SIGNS PET MARRIAGE BILL
Citing opportunities bestowed by redefining traditions, Lord King Blackthorn legalized marriage between players and their pets yesterday in a ceremony attended by his beloved swampy, “Lapdancer from Hell.”
“Lord knows it’s about time,” the Lord said.

WHY THAT NAME?   – by RueTor
Bo: “Bo was picked out by my bother when we were in college playing uo in the late 90s. He had some Chinese classes and he picked Bo for two reasons. Bo is a Chinese title translated as “Count” or “The Count.” It also is a nearly extinct minority population in Southern China famous for hanging coffins of the dead. Since I came to siege about 8 years ago I assumed the character and decided to make the character “The Count” (aka red). I decided to put my own twist on it, by only talking in the third person. It worked out well since Bo Jackson was famous for saying Bo knows.”
Hugibear: “Hugibear was created at the same time in the late 90s. I have always been a huge fan of old cars and there is none finer than a 1976 Limited edition Ford Gran Torino. I thought Starsky & Hutch were boring names and i really didnt want to be a cop in game. So I thought of the most interesting character on that show, Huggy Bear who was a pimp that was always willing to help. I shortened the name to Hugibear, i dont know why, maybe it is because I am a horrible speller. who knows?”

OVERHEARD IN LUNA
Ariana~Riverwind: “You paid 20 mil for that dye tub?!!”
Pendragon: “It’s guaranteed for 600 years. I got it in writing.”

And The WINNING LIMERICKS Are….
Norman Bates First Place Limerick
Thar once were a pirate named KEYES…
‘ew terrorized the High Seas…
’til the day he got caught,
bein’ hung was his lot
An they leff him ter twist inna breeze :]

Delilah The Mad Second Place Limerick
Knew a seafaring lass named Rouxx
She found herself quite a nice crew
But they thought her a fool
Her acts misconstrued
Alas how I miss that sweet Rouxx

Gregette Third Place Limerick
On Siege, mean nasty pirates inhabit Arrr
They sail the seas near and far
From sea farers they extract booty
Which is pilfered by Liandra the cutie
Making the pirates shout -Arrr!

Tang Fourth Place Limerick
There was a young pirate named Parium,
Who escaped from the Siege Sanitarium,
When confronted with capture,
He exclaimed in rapture,
“Cogito Ergo Pirateum!”

Join the discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/and-the-winning-limericks-are.306820/

LETTERS
Thank you Arrr for the great Limerick Event. I had fun writing and rhyming. The participation was great and the competition stiff.
The prizes were terrific especially for a newcomer to Siege Perilous and exactly the items I needed!
– Tang

ARIANA RIVERWIND
Can’t find that special gift for that special someone?
Seek out Bert, Ariana Riverwind’s worker. He is located in the inner North-West corner, which is inside guard zone of Luna.

SIEGE ESTATE RUNEBOOKS
Where would you like to go? Siege Estate Runebooks will take you there.
Shop at player vendors, NPC vendors; visit towns & cities & libraries across the land, play at the Hub Pub, check out the Radio Station or roll the dice at the Dead Horse Saloon.
You can go anywhere with Siege Estates Runebooks. Look for them at your favorite vendors or tell Grimlex to get off his duff & make more.

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: RueTor
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-eighteenth-issue.307056/

And The WINNING LIMERICKS Are….

Norman Bates
First Place Limerick
 Thar once were a pirate named KEYES…
‘ew terrorized the High Seas…
’til the day he got caught,
bein’ hung was his lot
An they leff him ter twist inna breeze :]

Delilah The Mad
Second Place Limerick
 Knew a seafaring lass named Rouxx
She found herself quite a nice crew
But they thought her a fool
Her acts misconstrued
Alas how I miss that sweet Rouxx

Gregette
Third Place Limerick
On Siege, mean nasty pirates inhabit Arrr
They sail the seas near and far
From sea farers they extract booty
Which is pilfered by Liandra the cutie
Making the pirates shout -Arrr!

Tang
Fourth Place Limerick
There was a young pirate named Parium,
Who escaped from the Siege Sanitarium,
When confronted with capture,
He exclamed in rapture,
“Cogito Ergo Pirateum!”

Hearty thanks to the members of The United Pirates of Catskills who crossed to our shard and served as impartial judges:
Trinsac, Guild Captain
Blind Tom, Captain’s Hand
Margaret, Lovely Arse-Kicking Wench
Mikie – Member Who Can Read
They all spent hours into the late night judging dozens of limericks.
Note that if you disagree with their choices, they were not unanimous themselves. But after much rum was swilled and some blood was spilled, they made their decisions final.
We like ’em and would definitely like to see some of these role playing marvels join us here on Siege.

DJ Def of UOradio.com did a marvelous job announcing the winners Saturday night. UOradio set a record for the number of listeners as the good DJ played music requested by the players who listened in for the news. Chat was abuzz with wishes of good luck between those who had entered a limerick. DJ Def staggered the news and with each announcement the winner was good naturedly congratulated by the others.

The Pirates Of Arrr and Yarrr have given us two events recently that were hallmarked by the humor and the good nature of the participants. The Limerick Contest and last Saturday’s Pirate Chase gave Siege citizens the opportunity to have fun whether they directly participated in the events or followed the participants in Chat.
These events attracted more players than we normally see involved in Siege life.
The Pirates are successfully increasing player participation in events.

Thanks again! to Parium the Black for most of the Limerick Contest’s fabulous prizes  & to Captain Sureno and Liandra the Cutie for the Pirate Chase.

Famine donated some of the incredible variety of prizes totaling many millions in value. He did this because, “This game has given me so much. I want to give some back.” Famine’s museum on the north side of Zento will open soon. The museum’s purpose is to preserve some of the rarer UO artifacts. When y’go, tell Famine “Thanks.” UO is a richer experience because of Famine.

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/and-the-winning-limericks-are.306820/

The Perilous Inquirer
Seventeenth Issue
October 25, 2013

LIMERICK CONTEST WINNERS
have been chosen and will be announced  This Saturday evening, October 26th!

WHY THAT NAME?
– by RueTor
Ladra: “Ladra is an Italian word literally meaning “female thief.” And I thought it sounded like a good name. Short enough? ^^” Captain Sureno: “Ahoy!! Well i was to be a pirate, and of course i wasnt just going to be Sureno. So it became Captain Sureno. And the history behind the name Sureno is Spanish for Southerner. No other meaning then im from the southwest where Sureno is common.”
Kelmo: “Kelmo came to be my nick name at work almost 2 decades ago. It was during the Tickle Me Elmo craze. A “friendly” waitress at the restaurant I worked at discovered I was very ticklish. My name is Kelly, so Kelly + Elmo became Kelmo. It has stuck with since the mid 90’s.”
Grimlex: “I don’t remember. When I first started, I fought a lot of battles without a helmet.”

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?
– Kattasrophe, age 12
Attacks on the cities! What’s next?
Many have been out this week fighting off the horrible monsters and their captains. Many have died, causing an increased population of skeletons in the graveyards. Now, along with the battles in the cities, the undead has come out more than ever.
What must happen in order to slay all these monsters? The answer is we need more groups out fighting! And as for the problem with the undead, Less Dying!  Many have fought bravely and died.
We thank all who made the ultimate sacrifice. Let’s hope when the next paper comes out, we won’t have these reports.

OVERHEARD IN CHAT
“ha ha my cat just fell off the window into my bowl of cereal.”
– Czarina

NEW LIBRARY
Books Wanted for the players’ library Dann the Leper is building in Bartertown.
It’s a small tower, open to the public, just north of Minoc & just east of Ladra’s cabin.
Please drop donated books into the drop box.

DON’T WORRY
– Kattasrophe
Don’t worry your pretty little mind,
Think about happiness and sunshine.
Never give up, you just gotta try again.
Think about your favorite time.
I know the stakes can be high, but it will never be the end.

SIEGE ESTATES  NEW TAILOR SHOPS
Runebooks for shopping. Full runebooks of Tailor shops, player vendors and other resourceful locations. See our vendor at the Perilous Inquirer.

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.  Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: RueTor
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-seventeenth-issue.306754

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Sixteenth Issue
October 18, 2013

ORIGINS
Norman Bates crossed the Gallowine River into Sosaria disguised as an itinerate graverobber during the DOS Age. Dropping his heavy accent & old surname (Batesky) like a hot grenade, he set up toll booths on the highways, accosted the King’s Messengers and sent the Royal Family threatening & suggestive letters.

Lady Bingo!, handmaiden to the Princess Gladwrap, found the Princess’ collection of Norman’s more suggestive letters and became intrigued by his “fevered delusions” as she coyly opined. Being of helpful heart, Lady Bingo! set out one morning with Lord Protector Sir GaggingLance to save Norman’s immortal soul and to bring his body into civilized society. They found him under a nearby bridge toll booth singing lurid elf songs with guffawing trolls.

The good Lady prevailed upon Norman to accept a full pardon and jobs as Motel Keepers for he and his mother, at a salary highway men can only dream of, in exchange for which he reluctantly gave up his sordid outlaw ways.
Under the good Lady Bingo!’s guidance, Norman done good.

Tragic news came on a dark and stormy night when Norman reported Lady Bingo! had, “Disappeared in a shower.” Norman developed a stutter, became reclusive and today is seen only on rare occasions. Sometimes, he appears in a window of the Bates Motel with his wheel chair bound mother. If you wave, she will, with Norman’s assistance, wave back.

ONCE UPON A TIME
when Ultima was being created, Richard Garriott had a programmer who snuck Disney characters into the art work. When Garriott found out, he ordered them removed.
The programmer left one in though and you can today, in the caverns below Bucs Den, see Mickey Mouse giving the finger. (DeadBob has a rune to this spot, if you wish to see it for yourself.)

REMEMBERING FRIENDS
There is a Hall Of Players on Atlantic with exhibits naming over 350 UO players. The exhibits were donated to the Hall by the players themselves or by their friends. The roof is reserved for previous UO players, now deceased.
Visit the Atlantic Hall Of Players on the South Road out of Luna across from the Brigand Camp at 41N,24W.
Check it out.
Is anyone up for establishing a Hall Of Players on Siege Perilous?

TRIVIA
The original UO tune, “Stones,” was written by the wife of one of Ultima’s programmers.
What was her name and where in our lands is her Memorial?
<drop your answer in our mailbox>

TREASURE HUNT
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Monthly Treasure Hunt is this Saturday at 3:PM EST.  The coordinates of the Treasure Box will be revealed on general chat.
Up for grabs this time is a pair of Kelp Leggings. I will give you the coordinates of the box, but what facet it is on is up to you to figure out.
First one to the spot gets the prize, which will be in a blue wooden box placed at the spot.
– Ilexia of Waterfalls Bridge Shop

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
| Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-sixteenth-issue.306424/

~sine die~

PIRATE CHASE!

Oct 19th, Saturday Morning until ??

Rescue the fair lass Liandra from the clutches of the inept KAOS Pirate, Otero!
The Pirates of Arrr have offered a reward to anyone who scuttles Otero’s ship on the High Seas and rescues their Liandra.
Listen on general chat as Liandra tells you, as best she can, where she is.

AHOY MATIES!
Tavern gossip has it that Otero plans to take his captive out for a bit of fresh sea air & a rant this Saturday morning, October 19th.
However, as that senile & drooling old tavern regular, Haf Gangree, puts it, “Otero is a landlubber! The boy doesn’t know his hold from an outhouse.”
“He’s an odd one, all right,” agreed Poop of Blackwater. “He was in here the other night blurting out nonsense like, ‘Cogito ergo Pirateum.'”
“Aye,” chimed in Perilous Pauli, a b-girl known to roll a troll faster than you can say Rumpelstiltskin. “Otero’ll be lucky if Liandra doesn’t kill him.”

S.O.L. (Save Our Liandra)
Join the Chase!
Every seaworthy vessel is needed to track down Otero’s ship! Look for a badly painted Orc ship named, “This Side Up.”
You can fight him yourself or scream for help. The pirates of Arrr will come to help save their fair lass Liandra!

THE CHASE IS ON!
From Saturday morning until …??

Join the discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/pirate-chase.306289/

HAWKEYE PIKE -UO’s First Pirate

The Leader of the United Pirates of Catskills, Captain Trinsac and his friend, Wench Margaret, have arrived on Siege to serve as judges in Arrr’s Limerick Contest. I was Intrigued by their commitment to strong pirate roleplay (I had to throw all the windows open. Apparently, pirates fart alot.) I wanted to know more, so….

I tracked down Andreas Schulze, German born author and Trans-Alp bikepacking enthusiast who, as the UO character Hawkeye Pike, founded The United Pirates, UO’s oldest pirates guild.

Q: Why did you start the United Pirates of Catskills?
Hawkeye: When we started the United Pirates back in 1998, Britannia was haunted by lots of player killers. Those who preferred to play UO for the purpose of role-playing were quite annoyed by the “violence” that was forced onto them. They simply did not want to participate in pure unconsenting fighting contests with the result of being looted dry afterwards. (There was no such thing as a safe Trammel world at that time.) That’s when we decided to try something new by playing evil characters just for fun, without negative side effects for our “victims”.

Since we loved the pirate theme in general, UO offered items like tricornes, cutlasses and krysses and there were no pirates in UO yet, we found a handful of like-minded people, dressed up and started our shady business.

Q: What was pirating like back then, before the High Seas Expansion?
Hawkeye: The life of pirating should be divided into three eras: The first age before Trammel and Felucca. The second age before the High Seas Expansion. And the third age which came afterwards.

In the first age, players had lots of freedom and playing was more risky. You actually could play a highwayman, wait at some crossroads in the wilderness for travelers to come by and rob them. People traveled more on foot or horse and they had to react in some way to the threats of a criminal.

The reactions were mostly quite surprising. When people discovered that we were no typical PKs but actual role players (and they noticed quickly by the way we were dressed and acted), they played along, payed a little ransom or offered some wares in exchange for their safety. We took what was offered and let them pass. Same was done on sea where we seeked out fishermen and miners. Only rarely we actually had to kill somebody because he was very stubborn or macroing unattendedly.

The second age changed everything, since practically all role players moved to Trammel and role-playing an evil person was not possible anymore. That’s where we focused stronger on building a large net of guild relations. Due to game mechanics, this was the only way to actually impact the gameplay of other people. Extensive rules had to be established to avoid griefing, and as in real life, with the rules came a lot of problems. The job of a guild master consisted mostly of ironing out misunderstandings, teaching players who disobayed rules and keeping a good relationship to “enemy” guilds. (Most of the guilds we were connected to were our “enemies” in a role-playing sense.) Especially since the Age of Shadows (the expansion in 2003) more and more rare and powerful equipment was introduced into the game. In order to be able to compete in fights you had to put a lot of effort into equipping your guild. Which meant: More time went into items, less time into role-playing.

Although the third age sounded promising due to the High Seas Expansion, it did not change much. The expansion was about 10 years late. UO and especially role-playing guilds had suffered from a dwindling number of players. There simply weren’t enough people to make use of all the nifty ships, cannons and stuff. We managed to pull off a couple of sea fights, but it included lots of preparational and organizational work. Another disadvantage was that sea fights were extremely resource-extensive, which would have required even more time for mindless resource gathering and less time for role-playing. Thus, the expansion did not change a lot about role-playing a pirate.

Q: What could UO do, to attract more players to the High Seas?
Hawkeye: The question is, what could UO do to attract more players to the game in general. Because I think the High Seas expansion itself is actually quite good. In 2010 I have written a short essay about my opinion about this (http://www.aschulze.net/ultima/blog/blog_20100626.htm ). The most obvious changes would be in short:

Solve the problem with complexity. UO has become a very complicated game with uncountable features. A new player has a hard time learning the game. UO needs comprehensible guides and tutorials. It also needs step-by-step in-game instructions and quests making new players acquainted with the game content.

Solve the problem of Trammel. I know many of the remaining veterans will have a different opinion. But the invention of the Trammel facet (no non-consensual PvP) took away the freedom from the players. Since most players will choose the safe zone if it is offered to them, non-consensual PvP practically died out. But taking away this freedom also killed the UO community, because unneglegible good and evil is what triggers strong emotions and builds the foundations of our society. Taking away the last bit of responsibility and freedom from the players turned them into item-hunters and killed the spirit of the game. But at the same time, especially new players need to be somehow protected from massive griefing.

Find new solutions against mindless killing and griefing. Create up-to-date graphics. Nobody will start playing a game which has graphics that are outdated since 10 years. It’s as simple as that.

To be honest, I don’t think that UO can change as extremely as it would be necessary to turn it into a magnet for new players again. It would require changes that 90% of the current player base would not accept. Nobody will risk losing the active players, but rather milk the cow until it dies and then maybe invent a new game.

Q: What is your best advice to any player seeking to enjoy pirate role play?
Hawkeye: To me, the first step to enjoying pirate role-play is to free yourself from the item-equipment-treadmill. Make a new character, get some cheap pirate equipment and get into a pirate mood! Try to stay in character most of the time. This makes you authentic. Try to strike a balance between being an evil pirate and not annoying other players too much. If you stay in character, people will understand that your swearing, bad manners and harsh words are no personal affront against other players, but actually the attributes of your character in game. Take into account to be treated accordingly.

Q: Last question: What the hell have you been doing with yourself lately?
Hawkeye: That’s hard to put into one sentence. Aside from a full-time job I’ve been doing several projects in my spare time. I’ve been planning and going on several outdoor adventures by mountain bike and on foot. I usually make short video documentaries of these trips and put them on YouTube (just look for the name “gletschersau”). In October 2013 I will release a new video about my Alps Traverse by mountain bike. I also am writing two books. One is almost finished and will be released this year. It is a guide about wilderness, bushcraft and survival. I’m also doing some creative work for friends who have a small business and need stuff like logos, flyers, ad material etc. And of course lots of sports to keep me in shape for my outdoor activities. This pretty much keeps me busy and leaves no time for TV or computer games. Well, I play the old game Titan Quest for maybe 1 hour a week to relax. I wish UO had such graphics…

Thank you Hawkeye for the entertaining and informative interview!

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/hawkeye-pike-uos-first-pirate.306261/

LIMERICK CONTEST UPDATE

Rules clarification 24 Sep 13: Entries are limited to one per player.

TEN (10) DAYS LEFT UNTIL THE DEADLINE!
SUBMIT YOUR LIMERICK NOW DAMN’EE!
YOU CAN WIN!!!

The Pirates of Siege Perilous [Arrr] are holding a Limerick Contest.
The Limericks will be judged by the United Pirates of Catskills, UO’s oldest pirates’ guild.
Many useful and rare items can be yours if you WRITE AND SUBMIT AN ORIGINAL LIMERICK (no plagiarism ;p)

SUBMIT YOUR LIMERICK  by writing it in a UO book and dropping it in the Mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer; located out the Luna south gate, 3rd house on the left.

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSION  is Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013.

WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED  by DJ Def on UORadio.com, Saturday, October 26th, 2013.

RULES
1. Pirate Theme only – Limericks must be about pirates or pirating or the pirate life.
2. 3 Verse limit – One verse is fine, and no more than three verses will be considered.
3. The Limerick must be the original work of the person submitting the limerick.
4. Winner must be a Citizen of Siege Perilous.
5. Decisions of the judges will be final.

FOUR FANTASTIC PRIZES! WoW!

FIRST PRIZE
http://images.podotech.net/firstprize.jpg

Cards (valued at 30 mil)
Legacy Token
House Teleporter Set
A Flaming Head Deed
Deed for a Stone Ankh
Ethy llama
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

SECOND PRIZE
http://images.podotech.net/secondprize.jpg

Rubble Blessed Wearable Pants
Complete Virtue Tile set
Deed for a Stone Ankh
A Flaming Head Deed, A Flaming Head Deed
A Clothing Bless Deed
Weapon Engraving Tool
A Heritage Token
Flowerpot, Flowerpot
Ethy Horse
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

THIRD PRIZE
http://images.podotech.net/thirdprize.jpg

Ruined Painting
Bag of 12 Bulk Order Covers
Ethy Beetle
White Leather Dye Tub
A Shadow Token
A Crystal Token
A Flaming Head Deed
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

FOURTH PRIZE
http://images.podotech.net/fourthprize.jpg

Tome of Lost Knowledge
Shipbuilding Hammer
12th Anniversary Gift Ticket, 13th Anniversary Gift Ticket, 14th Anniversary Gift Ticket, A Holiday Gift Ticket
Weapon Engraving Tool
Swords of Prosperity
Sleeping Hamster
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

RARE PRIZES DONATED BY FAMINE
Asked why, Famine’s answer was simply, “I want to give back. This game has given me so much.”
Famine’s “Siege Perilous Museum” will soon be open to the public in the north end of Zento at 40N,40W, next to the trail going north to the desert of Deathwatch Beetles. The purpose of the museum is to preserve many of Siege’s rare and interesting artifacts.

LIMERICKS 101
Example:
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

Don’t get too hung up on the “rules of limericks”. To quote a favorite pirate, they be “…more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules.”

Updates will be posted as the contest progresses.

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/limerick-contest-announced.305363/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Fifteenth Issue
October 11, 2013

HALLOWEEN UO
– by Kattasrophe (age 12)
Halloween is here,
Time for candy, tricks & cheer.
A rustling of a tree?
Oh No! Reds are chasing after me!
Now my candy is all gone, A thief stole it, which was a ton.
Candy, arrows and smoke bombs in the air
Splattered. Is a Vampire there?!
Run, Run, as fast as you can,
I think I see the Headless Horseman!

ONCE UPON A TIME
before UO, there were the Ultima box games.
Ultima 5 included a massage & gaming parlour below Bucs Den. If you paid for a massage, you blacked out & awoke with all your belongings missing.
There is still a hole in the ground in UO, behind the Buccaneer’s Bath house at 38,40Sx95,54E that will drop you into those old caverns.

HAWKEYE PIKE
 – From a forthcoming interview with the founder of UO’s oldest pirate guild, The United Pirates of Catskills.
“To me, the first step to enjoying pirate role-play is to free yourself from the item-equipment-treadmill. Make a new character, get some cheap pirate equipment and get into a pirate mood! Try to stay in character most of the time. This makes you authentic.
Try to strike a balance between being an evil pirate and not annoying other players too much. If you stay in character, people will understand that your swearing, bad manners and harsh words are no personal affront against other players, but actually the attributes of your character in game.”

OCTOBER 22nd DEADLINE
for submitting your limerick to Arrr’s Limerick Contest.
You can win incredibly rare & useful items. Details at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/limerick-contest-announced.305363/ Or ask Arrr for a book about it.

SCAM WARNING
According to UO spokesperson Ira Strait, “There are no, let me repeat, NO pornographic pumpkins. Rumors about a rare ‘yin & yang’ carving kit from the Yamato shard are fabricated scams. Do NOT pay for one of those.
You really feel foolish afterwards, if you do.”

TREASURE HUNT
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Monthly Treasure Hunt is 3:PM EST, Saturday, October 19.
The coordinates of the Treasure Box will be revealed on general chat. Up for grabs this time is a pair of Kelp Leggings. I will give you the coordinates of the box, but what facet it is on is up to you to figure out.
First one to the spot gets the prize, which will be in a blue wooden box placed at the spot.
– Ilexia of Waterfalls Bridge Shop

HALLOWEEN STEWARD
Just say “Trick or Treat” at the front door of the Perilous Inquirer.

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze!
Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Lawsuits: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fifteenth-issue.306127/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Fourteenth Issue
October 4, 2013

EXPOSE!
Hoffs is a Cylon.
– By Cylon Watch
Following an exhaustive, fact-breaking investigation it can be meritriciously stated that Hoffs is a Cylon. His friends confirm this, for the most part volunteering doubt about the stability of Hoffs’ OS. Mystery surrounds his past, but it seems his appearance amongst us is the result of a practical joke played by a deranged moongate. “Surprised me,” confessed Hoffs. “I was on my way to a motivational meeting for dog walker models when I ended up here.”
If you meet Hoffs, respect the Cylon culture. He may greet you with, “Hail OxyBreather. May your hemorrhoids shrink without surgery.”
To which you are expected to reply, “Are your Everreadies in upside down?”

THIEFS OF SIEGE
– by Kattasrophe (age 12)
Have you been bothered ’cause a Thief stole from ya? Or stole from a friend? Welp, everyone endures that problem alot. Here are some tips:
1. Get to know your Thief friend.
2. If they steal one thing only, perhaps buy them that thing.
3. If ya don’t want them to bother ya, sometimes they accept sissors, lanterns and other items.
4. Number 4 only lasts 1 per week.
5. Sometimes, Thieves are really nice.
6. Find a Thief named Romana. She is crazy about scissors.
7. Ladra steals anything, ‘specially if she knows it’s important to ya.
8. II steals anything he likes.
9. If none of that works, most likely they just don’t like ya.

ONCE UPON A TIME
In Old UO, bandages were cut one-at-a-time. Very frustrating, this encouraged macroing & people ended up in the jail on Bucs Den.
– History bit courtesy of Lupe

CHICKEN FIGHT SONG
SING IT LOUD & SING IT PROUD!
(To the tune of “South Park”)
Chicken Fighters everywhere,
Fighting fowl & never fair,
Ripping flesh & eyeballs popping,
Opponents slipping on our droppings!
Fighting on for gory glory,
Singing sagas of our story.
Chicken Fighters Every Where!
(repeat ad nausium

DON’T FORGET
Arrr’s Limerick Contest You can win incredibly rare & useful items.
Details at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/limerick-contest-announced.305363/
Or ask Arrr for a book about it.

CAPTAIN SURENO
On Blade Runner:
“I’d cut him if he stands, and I’d shoot him if he’d run, Yes I’d kill him with my Bible and my razor and my gun.”
(w/apologies to Steppenwolf)

CLASSIFIEDS
* Siege Estates Halloween Edition 1.0 is leaping at you. Candy and booze at a high time. If you drink enough booze, what’s so spooky? Besides your own shadow. Drink responsibly.
Cheeeeerrrs!
– Grimlex

** Waterfall Bridge Shop
Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Lupe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Lawsuits: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Published weekly by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Follow the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fourteenth-issue.305859/
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fourteenth-issue.305860/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Thirteenth Issue
September 27, 2013

THE DRAGON SQUAD
Greater Dragons in the wild can suffer constipation from eating armored humans. Concerned animal lovers from the guild, Do Right Knights [DoRK] have formed a squad to help the poor things.
This reporter embedded with the Dragon Squad on a recent mission, stealthing up behind a GD in obvious discomfort.
“You just have to reach in and pull stuff out,” TheDrAJ whispered, holding up his long-gloved arm.
“Really?” I inquired. “And what is the dragon’s reaction to that?”
“Well… surprise, at first. Then shock then deep resentment.”

IT’S MY ROCK!!
by Kattasrophe (age 12)
A guy named My Rock yelled in chat one day. I asked Your Pixel Crush to explain what happened.
She told me, “It all started when Redwolf made a log for all the daily rares. Ysabella is often awake at server up, she went to Bucs Den, the rock was still there, so she grabbed it!!”
A few minutes later, Ander came over the global chat flipping out that the rock was gone. He yelled, “IT IS MY ROCK!! MINE!! I’VE B EEN TAKING THE ROCK FOR 15 YEARS!!
The next morning a new character came up, named My Rock. He yelled at Ander and said, “IT’S MY ROCK ANDER!!!” The person began saying sentences with rock. At a point he sang we will rock you.
By that point quite frankly Ander was pretty… well, i think you know.
Me and others have asked around to see who it may be. No luck yet! If you think you may have an answer please do tell!!!

THE PIRATES ARE COMING! The United Pirates of Catskills are sailing the perilous inter-shard seas to Siege. They come on invitation from our own pirates to serve as impartial judges in Arrr’s Limerick Contest.
If you see one of these members of UO’s oldest pirate’s guild, make them feel welcome. We’d like to see some take up residence here.

ASK SEVERN
Frog hopped over to ask: How does a Frog get girls to stop trying to kiss him?? Frog likes being a frog, don’t want to turn back to peoples, please help! *ribbit*
Dear Hopping Frog: Please see me sometime to begin work on getting over your fear of being a peoples again. But until then, showing your warts should deter the ladies! Best of luck!

ONCE UPON A TIME
In Old UO, boats sailed the lakes in  Dungeon Shame. Archers & casters, adrift, safely killed land bound monsters, skilling up at no risk.
Ahh… the Good old days.

CLASSIFIEDS
* Shrines! Siege Estates Shrine edition runebook is here!
Buy it from the vendor “Siege Estates” at the Perilous Inquirer (out Luna south gate, 3rd house on left.)
– Grimlet
** Waterfall Bridge Shop Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Severn
Lawsuits: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-thirteenth-issue.305501/