Archive for the ‘Siege Perilous News’

Perilous Inquirer – 37th Issue

March 14, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 37th Issue
March 14, 2014

KING ABDUCTED
From Moonglow Mardi Gras Party on Fat Tuesday.
“Still & all, It was nice to see the King show up and give support to the event,” York_Siege posted on Stratics. The King, who was drunker than a Grimlex, was last seen dunking for french fries. Kattasrophe keenly noted a suspect, pointing out, “The Mardi Gras Thief left the party around the time his nibs went missing.” The only clue is some graffiti scrawled behind the bank by Spiffykeen which (it’s hard to make out) seems to say, “Will trade French Zombie for Cajun Hoodie.”
(Error free reporting by, Napa Valley)

EXCLUSIVE*
Royal Fishing Contest.
King Blackthorn has issued a challenge to all Fishermen (and women, etc) in the Kingdom. All Fish caught on or between March 10th and March 30th are to be weighed with an honor going to the largest “Legendary” or “Trophy” fish – which will be mounted and hung on the wall of Castle Blackthorn for all to see. The Smallest Weight fish will be given to the Cooks of the Castle for display on the Kitchen Tables and the Largest Weight. In addition, the Largest Rare or Legendary Crab/Lobster will be cooked for the King’s Table (displayed on his plate). These items shall remain until another such contest replaces them. Fish dated prior to March 10th, or after March 30th will not be eligible. Please drop off your best catch in the chests by the King’s Throne in the Council Chambers on Serpent’s Hold before Midnight on March 30th.?
*Remember, you read it here first!

HOROSCOPE
Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20
You will stumble down a hole in the ground outside the Bucks Den Bath House, exactly two steps west of 38,40 South x 95,58 East and discover Richard Garriott’s long lost Batmobile. Unless somebody else already got it.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & answer this question:
“What rideable UO animal of yore no longer spawns?”

MUSEUM OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Museum Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit. The Museum Of Players is open to all Siege players. Visit it today: Out the Luna South gate, past the bridge, on the left across from the Brigand camp.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 37th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward.
Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-37th-issue.313119/

The Bell, the Book, and the Candle – The Story of The Shadow so Far….

March 12, 2014 By: Flair Category: Siege Perilous News

I, like everyone else on the shard, was trying to piece together the EM story about the Shadow so I thought I’d help everyone out, including myself, and do a bit of a summary of the reports and postings so we could all catch up and follow the plot. The story is actually quite interesting….

It all started with a message:

Hello my friends.
Please join me on Saturday, August 17th, at 3pm eastern and/or at 8pm eastern in the EM Hall in Britain. We have received an Emissary who would like to speak with you.
EM Troubadour

That’s when he first appeared – Marcus Rotgut. He brought word of something evil… something lurking in Buc’s Den.

A call for aid went out across the lands. Spiders feasted upon any living creature that moved about the island. Citizens were disappearing in the night. The nightmares while awake were worse than those of sleep.

Brave warriors answered the call and assembled in Britain where they prepared to aid the town of Buccaneer’s Den. Weapons were sharpened and Shields were readied. Reagents and Potions were gathered and Spells of Power prepared. Arrows and Bandages stockpiled. The assault force gathered before the awaiting moon-gate ready to fight for Honor, Valor, and if necessary, to Sacrifice themselves to save the town-folk.

As the first warriors passed into the gate, a scuffle broke out amongst the ranks of warriors and sides were quickly chosen. The slaughter which followed reduced the rescue force to a mere fraction of its former fighting potential. The surviving forces attacked the spiders with determination. After many struggles, they succeeded in clearing the threat from the town. 

A hurried search of the town revealed a hole in the floor of the home of Marcus Rotgut, Emissary from Buccaneer’s Den. Spider webs lined the tunnels within. Here. The foul spiders must have come from here.

First one, then more brave warriors descended into the spiders lair below the town and followed the tunnels to the Nest of the Queen herself. Though the Queen herself was never seen, Nest Guardians defended the future generations of Spiders in the egg-sacks scattered around the nest. The few remaining captured citizens of Buccaneer’s Den were contained behind webs to await the Queen’s hunger.

The brave warriors again fought amongst themselves seemingly over who would be the first to enter and as a result, their force was further devastated and the warriors were never able to harm the Nest Guardians. A few elite warriors bravely fought their way into the nest itself and searched throughout the nest disturbing the webs and cocoons within.

Marcus Rotgut stared out from within a cocoon. Nauseous from the spider’s poison and strangled by the clinging webs, he hoped and prayed for rescue.

A nimble thief searched the cocoon closely looking for loot and disturbed the silken threads until they loosened. With one hand freed and the thieves help, Marcus was able to break from his bonds and stealth away back to town. He immediately set about repairing the hole in his floor hoping to contain the horrors within the lair below…

There were very evil things lurking about… and then this revolation:

What was shaping up to be a fairly routine meeting of the King’s Council in Serpent’s Hold turned into a shocking one after the people of Buccaneer’s Den apparently ended their decades of lawlessness and rejection of the Crown and petitioned for a seat on the Council.

In an address to the assembly, Marcus Rotgut, representative of the people of Buc’s, said that the support (such that there was) from Britannia’s citizens during the recent spider attacks had left a debt of gratitude that needed to be repaid and, in consultation with the town elders, they had decided to seek proper admission to the King’s realm.

“For ages now, Buccaneer’s Den has been a lawless city of those who chose to live outside of the Kingdom. We now recognize that our isolation deprives us of the protection that we need and also deprives the crown and citizens of Britannia of our skills and knowledge. We have therefore decided that it is time for us to give up our isolation and join with the people of the Kingdom and to become true citizens of Britannia and loyal servants of the Crown.”

Rotgut went on to say that his town would swear an oath of fealty in return for a seat on the Council so that they may be fairly represented in deliberations on the realm.

Initial reaction to the request was somewhat muted, with may governors apparently being too stunned to offer much opinion, although Hoffs, Kelmo and Morgan Ironfist all displayed some degree of suspicion towards the application. The others were more amenable, though, with Victim and York being most enthusiastic at the prospect. “Mages were once disliked too,” ventured the Moonglow governor, “However, a second chance by the Crown has shown it to be a fruitful relationship ever since.”

There was quite a vocal reaction from some members of the gallery, but mostly on the side of caution. “It’s a trap,” shouted Luka Melehan, a descendant of the famous naval lord, Ackbar.

After much further deliberation, it was suggested that there should be some kind of trial period both to access the town’s commitment and to ensure that Rotgut was speaking for the majority of its citizens. In the end, it was left to King Blackthorn to give an official response, “Understand that ancient enmity will not heal overnight. Though you may be accepted to the Council, individual members will still have concerns and may possibly resent your addition. Are you prepared to be patient and work with them regardless?”

“…we will abide by your wisdom,” responded Rotgut.

“Then we shall accept this offer on a short-term trial basis,” announced the king, “We shall remain wary and watchful while the citizens of Buccaneer’s Den work to prove their benefit to the realm. We shall reserve a final opinion to be based on the mutual benefits we all seek. Let it be noted that as of today, Lord Rotgut is installed as governor of the city of Buccaneer’s Den.”

A report from the governor’s meeting on 24Nov2013.  Chilling but the further we get into this:

The plans were laid. 

It was a bright sunny day in the Island City of NuJel’m. A light breeze blowing in off of the ocean cooled the city streets as it passed through with the promise of an end to the Summer’s heat as Fall approached. The prosperous merchants and the well to do dressed in their finery proceeded with stately paces going about their business on the eastern side of the town while their servants scurried home at the end of a long tiring day to their hovels on the western side of the island. 

It was time.

In the Palace, a feast was spread for the noble family as they met at the end of the day to plan the upcoming Harvest Festival for the citizens of the Island. Of course, “Citizens” meant those of stature and wealth and not the lowly servants who would instead labor for the Festival. 

A team of servants was assigned to scrub the Chess Board to prepare for the Festival Match in which the Lord of NuJel’m would accept a challenger from amongst the assembled Nobles to play with Imprisoned Debtors as their playing pieces – each piece to fight for the tile their Lord moved them to – to win their freedom as their Lord won the game, or die fighting for a single white or green square.

The Palace Scribes were busy meticulously preparing the invitations to the festival and the Court Chef was reviewing the orders for the wine and exotic foods that would be required.

As the late afternoon sun began to fall towards sunset, a shadow appeared to separate from the shadows cast by the walls of the Inn and began to drift slowly towards the palace. Engrossed in his plans, the Lord of NuJel’m never noticed the passing of the Shadow. The Chef in his kitchen felt a chill of a cold breath on his neck and then it was gone. The Head Scribe tried to suppress the shudder that shook his hands causing the golden ink to spill across the embossed invitations. His master would not be happy.

As the last rays of daylight shone upon the Palace, the shadowy figure crept into the Gardens and began to chant words of power “Kal Xen In Ex An Sanct” “Kal Xen In Ex An Sanct” “Kan Xen In Ex An Sanct”.

At the Shadow’s feet, the earth began writhe and shake as the words of power took effect. The green grass of the Garden began to subside and a sink-hole formed. Darker than the approaching night, the hole grew in both depth and size for a few minutes and then a sudden silence settled in. The Shadowy figure smiled. From within the hole burst forth a giant spider, followed by more and more. Soon the Garden was over-run and the Palace itself was at risk.

The Head Scribe was just returning with more parchment when the spiders burst into the library. Scribes are generally not the warrior type so they quickly fell to be webbed into cocoons for the Spider’s feast. The Court Chef heard the screams and knew that help was needed. He fearfully ran across the palace to notify the Lord of NuJel’m. The Lord’s family was quickly evacuated and a call for aid was sent to any who might heed the call.

After the Palace was overrun, the spiders settled upon an unsuspecting city, pouncing on citizens and ensnaring them in webs to be dragged off to their lair. The Shadowy figure watched the carnage and knew it was time to move. Reentering the Palace, the Shadow crept through the empty palace to the northern chambers and searched through the Lord’s Chamber removing a few very valuable items. A Gem-Encrusted Map of the Island and the Lord’s Journal quickly disappeared into the depths of the Shadow. Proceeding downstairs into the Vault, the shadow removed The Lord’s crown, the Scepter of the Island and the Lady’s Jeweled Necklace from their protective case and they too vanished into the shadows. Returning to the sink hole, the shadow dropped into the depths and made his escape.

When the warriors went to investagate they were greeted by this:

spiderqueen01

 

spiderqueen02

 

spiderqueen03

 

spiderfight

 

After this monster was defeated it didn’t stop there.

The Vault of Secrets in Luna has been robbed! The Paladins of the City won’t say what was stolen, but have confirmed a break-in at their most secure vault. A shadowy figure was spotted in the area near the vault.

With his prize in hand, the shadow crept through the halls of Luna seeking to make his escape. The alarms were sounding and many people roamed through the area making an escape somewhat challenging. At every turn, another person barred passage. Finally, spotting a chance, the shadow disappeared into a dark corner and vanished.

and then this…

The return trip home aboard the Brigand’s Revenge was a long one. First the main-mast was lost in a nasty storm at sea, and then a dead calm forced the crew to break out the oars as they struggled to move the ship across the leagues toward the island retreat. Exhausted from the efforts, there was a lot of cursing when the Shadow disembarked and ordered the ship back out to sea for repairs at a shipyard. 

After a long hike across the island, the Shadow quietly left the sun-drenched jungle and entered the cool shadows of the shanty. Quickly, the entrance to the secret passages below were opened and the shadow passed like a wraith through the cavernous tunnels to his home within the earth. His new treasures were added to those from prior heists.

The Crown Jewels of NuJel’m
The Paladin’s greatest treasure from Luna
The Candle of Love from Empath Abbey in Yew
The Bell of Courage from The War Room in Serpent’s Hold

Looking over the items left a wry smile on his face. There was so much already accomplished, yet with time so short, there was so much more to do. Reviewing the maps of the lands, potential targets were picked out: Zento and the Empress of Tokuno? Ter-Mur and the Gargoyle Queen? The Librarians at the Lycaeum? Lord Blackthorn in his castle? Or perhaps the petty governors playing at being rulers? The Necromancer’s in Umbra? Lost treasures in Mistas or Montor? 

The options were many but some were critical to the objective and some merely diversions to distract the pursuit from the real objective. 

Time is short and priorities must be set.

This Shadow was shaping up to be trouble.  Then he stole Christmas of all things…

Creeping through the Luna moongate, the Shadow made his way across the lawn to where Santa waited to load his sleigh. Behind Santa’s back, the Shadow hid the packages and gifts in his pack and then slipped away through the moongate.

No one saw him except the harpsichord player who sang an appropriate tune.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.​
You really are a heel.​
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,​
You’re as charming as an eel,​
Mr. Grinch.​
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.​
You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch.​
Your heart’s an empty hole.​
Your brain is full of spiders.​
You’ve got garlic in your soul, Mr Grinch.​
I wouldn’t touch you with a​
Thirty-nine and a half foot pole.​
You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch.​
You have termites in your smile,​
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile,​
Mr Grinch.​
Given the choice between the two of you,​
I’d take the seasick crocodile.​
You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch.​
You’re a nasty wasty skunk.​
Your heart is full of unwashed socks.​
Your soul is full of gunk,​
Mr Grinch.​
The three best words that best describe you,​
Are as follows, and I quote”​
Stink!​
Stank!​
Stunk!​
You’re a rotter Mr Grinch​
You’re the king of sinful sots​
Your hearts a dead tomato​
squashed with moldy purple spots​
Mr Grinch​
After we managed to rescue Christmas this happened:
The return trip home aboard the Brigand’s Revenge was again a long one, but one filled with a feeling of elation as the long sought after goal was finally coming to fruition. The Book of Truth was in his hands. Perhaps now she would be pleased. Like a wraith, the shadow crossed the gangplank and the sun-baked sandy beach to disappear into the shadows of the jungle to a little shack amongst the trees and ferns. Fumbling with the latch, the Shadow opened the secret passage and descended into the cool caverns below. The Lady had proven most difficult to please. Flowers withered at her icy touch, a touch that still sent shivers up his back. Bright gems didn’t compare to her cold beauty. Treasures beyond price didn’t satisfy her though they had been provided beyond measure. With a single-mindedness of purpose, she set seemingly impossible challenge after impossible challenge, but each had been overcome. Surely now this latest treasure, the Book of Truth itself would appease her and earn him his just reward. In the rough-hewn passages cobwebs dangled in the faintly moving air, he moved closer to his home. The Lady surely awaited him there. Turning a last corner, a faint light shone ahead welcoming The Shadow to his journey’s end. 

Within the house, The Lady sensed the return of her plaything. Quickly covering the mirror in the bedroom, she descended the stairs to meet him at the door. One more… just one more she smiled to herself.

As he approached the door, it opened and there she stood smiling… a smile that sent a cold fire through him. Quietly, she turned and led him up the stairs to the bedroom past the covered mirror, but she did not stop and continued further up to the 3rd floor. At the top of the stairs, he noticed that many of the treasures were piled haphazardly off to the side of the room. On a central table lay the Candle of Love, the Bell of Courage, and two more empty spaces. Taking the Book of Truth from him, she carefully placed it upon the table. 

Only one more, love.” said The Lady. “One more and our dreams will become reality. We’ll have the power to rule worlds and more. All we need now is a world-gem. Lord Blackthorn will know where one is. Perhaps the Meer or Wisps may know of one as well. You must hurry for all must be ready before the next eclipse. Time is running out.”

Quickly, the Shadow was ushered out of his own house and sent on his way back the the awaiting ship.

Inside the house again, The Lady returned to the bedroom and removed the cloth from the mirror. Deep inside the glass a small flicker of flame and the shadow of smoke could be seen. Taking up a small dagger, The Lady pricked her finger and smeared a drop of blood across the surface of the Mirror. The image within swirled and a grim demonic face appeared.

“Who dares to summon the Greater Demon Arcadion?” roared the image within with such force that The Lady’s hair fluttered from the breeze coming out of the mirror. Seeing The Lady before him, the Demon smiled showing charred fangs. “Do you make an offering of this Blood? Or is this another trick to command my favors?” 

The Lady smiled in return and knelt before the image of the Great Demon. “My Lord Arcadion, all is almost ready. Within a fortnight I will have all that is needed to set you free so that we can rule the shattered worlds together.” 

“Then rise lovely lady and let us discuss in detail what remains to be done. If you succeed, I shall insure that the beauty that I have given you becomes everlasting and will grant you immortality that you may serve me forever.”

After a long conversation, the Great Demon’s image faded within the mirror leaving only a reflection of The Lady. A Reflection that showed the fangs and horns of her true self.

 This story was getting very interesting ….  The Shadow had managed to steal the bell, the book, and the candle now.

The time was right. With the Bell, the Book, and the Candle finally in her grasp, all that remained was to gain the worldgem, and to cast the proper enchantments before the eclipse, to open a doorway between worlds. The foolish Shadow had been tempted and seduced into stealing the required items in exchange for an ethereal ability and the promise of love. A promise that would be broken. Like a broken toy, he would soon be discarded.

Climbing the stairs to the treasure room where gold and gems lay scattered across the floor, The Lady approached the table which contained the the three greatest treasures of Britannia. The Bell of Courage, Book of Truth, and the Candle of Love.

Stolen Goods.jpg 
Taking up the Book of Truth, she hugged it to her breast knowing that the falsehood of who she was would be enough. The Demoness within and the lies she had told soaked into the book leaving it corrupted and sickly looking. With a smile on her face, she placed the Book of Falsehood upon the table.

Book of Falsehood.jpg 

Next she approached the Candle of Love only to see it flare up and reach out to her. Love may love unconditionally, but it seemed to know it’s antithesis. Carefully taking up the candle, she quickly bit into her tongue and spat the blood upon the flame. Hungrily, the flame consumed the blood with an evil hiss, tainting the candle with the hatred that burns in her blood. Quietly, she placed the Candle of Hatred upon the table.

Candle of Hatred.jpg 
Finally, she took up the Bell of Courage and listened to the clear tone that rang from the bell. This one would be easiest of all. In a world filled with mortals, who had not felt fear at the sight of an attacker? Who had not taken cowardly flight at one point or another? Reaching out into the ether, she gathered the cowardice into a pool and dipped the bell into it and watched the bell take on a tarnished hue. As she replaced the bell upon the table, the clank of the clapper upon the bell sounded dull and flat.

Bell of Cowardice.jpg 
The Bell of Cowardice, the Book of Falsehood and the Candle of Hatred. Only the Worldgem was lacking now. The Shadow must return with it today. Today was THE DAY. Soon the door between worlds would be opened and the Demon Lords would enter Britannia.

With another smile on her face, she descended the stairs to await The Shadow.

We were all at the Kings meeting when Marcus stole a world gem from the King and was revealed to be the Shadow!!!  That’s when the call went out to the brave warriors of Siege and we chased after the Shadow.  After going through a maze of rock we decended upon a house in force.  When we got there, Marcus Rotgut lay dead on the floor of the cottage, the bell, book, and candle were corrupted, and we were attacked by the demon Arcadion.  After we defeated him, we were then tasked with purifing the bell, book, and candle.

[EM Event] Governor Meeting: 3/30/2014 at 4:30pm Eastern

March 12, 2014 By: Flair Category: Siege Perilous News

King Blackthorn requests that all Governors attend the next council meeting on Sunday the 30th day of March at 4:30pm eastern in the Council Chambers on Serpent’s Hold.

[EM Event] The King’s Contest: Fishing Tournament

March 12, 2014 By: Flair Category: Siege Perilous News

King Blackthorn has issued a challenge to all Fishermen (and women) in the Kingdom. All Fish caught on or between March 10th and March 30th are to be weighed with an honor going to the largest “Legendary” or “Trophy” fish – which will be mounted and hung on the wall of Castle Blackthorn for all to see. The Smallest Weight fish will be given to the Cooks of the Castle for display on the Kitchen Tables and the Largest Weight. In addition, the Largest Rare or Legendary Crab/Lobster will be cooked for the King’s Table (displayed on his plate). These items shall remain until another such contest replaces them.

Fish dated prior to March 10th, or after March 30th will not be eligible. Please drop off your best catch in the chests by the King’s Throne in the Council Chambers on Serpent’s Hold before Midnight on March 30th.
fishing contest trouble

Perilous Inquirer – 36th Issue

March 07, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 36th Issue
March 7, 2014

W0T?!!
“The pregnant Lady Almandine takes charge of the Kingsguard.”
– Sherry the Mouse

NAME THAT FATHER!
Who do you think is the real father of Lady Almandine’s baby? Name of the perp and tell us how you think it happened and drop your entry into the mailbox of the Perilous Inquirer. The winning selection will be published.

THE CANDIDATE
Meet Ionya:
I am addicted to mining. Minoc was my starter town since it has a nice mining set up just to the northeast of town. I have also lived on the edge of Minoc for a very long time. I have donated alot to Minoc and I have recently achieved, for a pretty penny, the title Countess of Minoc.
I am sad there was no governor this last term and I think I would be a good governor for this wonderful town. I will definitely add the Faster Casting option to the town stone. So long as the funds are there I will also monitor the message board for any needs or issues. I would like Minoc to be a more popular place in the realm.
– Kattasrophe

THE CANDIDATE
Meet Morgan Ironfist:
New Magincia was the nearest town after the attack, so this is the easiest way to attract trade. Obviously, the player housing makes it quite unique, as do the commodity deed brokers, so it is quite special.
Running for governor opens the possibility to do something for the community, even if it is only S.S.I. for the honorable citizens of New Magincia. But since it has been in effect since day one, people can rely on it. I stand for a continuous trade deal. So, with the help of loyal citizens, I want to keep that up. I am the only governor remaining from the first elections. I am the only one who was present at every council meeting.
I will continue to uphold the trade deal and my influence and knowledge of Britannia’s politics will benefit my fair city.
– Kattasrophe

TREASURE HUNT
It is time for a new treasure hunt and Ilexia is planning it for Saturday, March 15, at 3:PM EST.
This time, it will be a little trickier. A preferred character is Mage, else teleport scrolls will be provided.
Up for grabs is a Clothing Bless Deed.
Welcome All.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & answer this question:
In 1783, the good ship Hind went down off the Cape. All 212 hands aboard were lost. What were their names?

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 36th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-36th-issue.312726/

Perilous Inquirer – 35th Issue

February 28, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 35th Issue
February 28, 2014

THE CANDIDATE
Meet The Gooch. “I guess Minoc chose me. Minoc is the home of Barter Town, which is my home. On Siege, I want to do whatever I can to make Barter Town a better and more fun place. I think it could be a fun place to host events to a little used city. It’s a great area out here and it would be nice to see the city used more.
It would be a great experience to me as a returning player. It is something new that I have never done and it interests me. I would like to host a couple of events. I have a few ideas that I think the community would get a kick out of. Maybe make Minoc a more usable place to have fun.
^_^

KATT FOR MOONGLOW
“Kattasrophe is NICE! Vote for her TWICE!!”
“I just thot that up,” said Norman Bates, Publicist. “I should help Katt more. Maybe, a rally to gather votes. Or a ‘campaign shower.’ I know for a fact that a shower is good for things besides babies. Yess, a shower for Katt! I’m gonna ask M-M-M-mother about that.”

HOROSCOPE
Pisces Feb 28 – Mar 7
Your impending death will be a complete surprise to everyone on the bus you are driving at that moment.

POETS CORNER
She being Brand-new; and you know consequently a little stiff i was careful of her and (having thoroughly oiled the universal joint tested my gas felt of her radiator made sure her springs were O.K.) i went to it flooded the carburetor cranked her up, slipped the clutch (and then somehow got into reverse she kicked what the hell) next minute i was back in neutral tried and again slo-wly; bare,ly nudg. ing (my lev-er Right-oh and her gears being in A 1 shape passed from low through second-in-to-high like greasedlightning) just as we turned the corner of Divinity avenue i touched the accelerator and give her the juice
– e e cummings

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What animal used to spawn furs?”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit.
The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 35th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

Next week, Guardian~KX Reports:  “Damned watched pot Does boil!”

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-35th-issue.312400/

Perilous Inquirer – 34th Issue

February 21, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 34th Issue
February 21, 2014

NEW STORE
Body-Parts-R-Us, in joint venture with  Kage Venator & Zoloms Collections, Inc., has opened a retail inlet on Siege Perilous. “It’s not an outlet,” explained Zoloms. “It’s more like a Goodwill donation center. Only, we pay for donations and, uh, it’s definitely not good will.”
Asked what they do with the body parts, Kage Venator insisted that his answer be “strictly off the record,” whispering, “We have a contract with the heirs of Charlton Heston to supply a company called Soylent Green.”
At which point Zoloms shushed him, exclaiming libelously, “You can’t trust that reporter!”

MULTIBOXING
Multiboxing means to play multiple separate characters simultaneously. Some say it is illegal in UO. Others say the only thing illegal is using special software that links all logged in characters together simultaneously – that you can legally multibox without the software.
A report attributed to Mesanna about multiboxing is missing. A search has turned up no such report.
Does anybody have a link to that report?

ASEXUAL BUDDING
At the character login screen, click on “New” and follow directions.

POETS CORNER
There was a young girl of Siberia
Who had such a tempting posterior
That the Lapps and the Finns
Kept inventing new sins
As the recognized type were too stereo
– T.S Eliot

HOROSCOPE
Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20
As a devoted player of MMORPGs, you will be spared when the Aliens kill off all truly cognizant humans.

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit.
The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
What Siege character played a spoiled little rich girl in the Siege production of “The Frog Prince?”

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 34th Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are

free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

Laying Siege to Truth

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-34th-issue.311981/

Perilous Inquirer – 33rd Issue

February 14, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 33rd Issue
February 14, 2014

INSIDIOUS ORGANIZATION
Shadowy figures prowl Siege Perilous, characters holding a strange allegiance to something called “real life,” sometimes abbreviated to “rl.” Beguiling but harmful, rl can entrap a UO character even in their sleep.
“I usually wake up here,” Hattori Hanzo stated, “But the other day, I woke up in a real nightmare. People were yelling at me and I wasn’t allowed to kill them.” Adding with a shudder, “I think it was real life.”

MEET THE CANDIDATES
– by Kattasrophe, age 12
Hello, friends & family of Siege Perilous. Elections for the governors of the cities will begin February 23rd.
Have you wondered who the candidates of all the cities are? Well, if I can get ahold of them, I will have two interviews per newspaper. You can see the full stories on Stratics. Wanna know what they will do for the city they have chosen, or a little bit about their background as to why they chose the city they did? You will find it here and on Stratics!
[Disclosure: I am a candidate of Moonglow.]

PET WASH OPENS
Ilexia, owner of the Waterfall Bridge vendor shop, has announced the grand opening of a new pet wash. Walk your mount under the water falls or, for a deeper cleaning, Ilexia will ride your pet to the top & push it over.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“Who was the UO Team Leader, before Mesanna?”

CASTLE WANTED
“I have been saving for a castle or Keep! Send me a message on Stratics if you have one in a decent spot!
Thanks, Idico”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits.
Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer.
Your named items will be used to create your exhibit.
The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 33rd Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are

free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

This newspaper uses cookies. By continuing to read this paper, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-33rd-issue.311628/

Perilous Inquirer – 32nd Issue

February 07, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 32nd Issue
February 6, 2014

ZOMBIES!
More players are finding they can no longer log out of the game. “It’s the easiest way to add NPCs to UO.” said NPC Recruiter, Duane Jones, star of Night Of The Living Dead (1968.) “As the UO population winds down, we need more and more NPCs to roam vacant cities. So we Zombify bank sitters. Most of the time, they don’t even notice.”

UO SEQUEL?
A sequel to Ultima Online, tentatively titled Undead Online, offers hope to the current crop of NPCs who have practically nowhere to go and very little to do when they get there. “Trinsic can be very boring to walk about,” Wandering Healer Gwen pointed out. “Unless you fall off a bridge, there’s really no excitement at all. But if we can get a game all to ourselves, just us NPCs, we can organize some social activities. I’d like to see a gambling resort for NPCs, like some shards have on Fire Island.”

SEASHAWKS THANK BRONCOS
“That was a wonderful practice session,” declared Assistant Athletic Trainer, David Stricklin.
Added Team Mascot Blitz, “We gave ’em 8 points just for being good sports.”

YOU (excerpt)
You sprawled in my gaze,
staring back from anyone’s face, from the shape of a cloud,
from the pining, earth-struck moon which gapes at me

and I open the bedroom door. The curtains stir. There you are
on the bed, like a gift, like a touchable dream.

– Carol Ann Duffy is the first woman, gay person, and Scot to hold the position of Poet Laureate in the UK.

NSA JOINS UO
“Siege is a perfect place for terrorists to meet,” explained National Security Agency spokesperson, Al Cada.
“Our mission here is to be sure that the person killing you isn’t dangerous.”

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
“What word, when spoken at the Serpent Pillar, teleports you to the Lost Lands?”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit.
The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 32nd Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.” Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-32nd-issue.311204/

Perilous Inquirer – 31st Issue

January 30, 2014 By: DeadBob Stratics Category: Siege Perilous News

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol 1, 31st Issue
January 31, 2014

LUNA OBSERVER
Mollie Fogsbane was Shadowen Darkstar. He seemed headed towards the PwnBroker. It’s Tru, Molly thought, Darkstar is gonna sell the Waynbo he stole from me. That’s my best hunting bow and if I don’t get it back Famine could take me. This could be a real Kattasrophe! Well, Molly decided, I’ll throw that Babbling Loonie for a Lupe. She hitched up her Leather Lucy, and, sneaking ahead, she spread Viscount Goop on the walk and waited. The Skunk stepped in it and while he was stuck, Mollie gave him a Hugibear wedgie guaranteed to spoil his seksdreams and grabbed her Bo back.
“Spiffykeen!” she chortled.

EVENT
Rumor has it the Shadowlords are planning to hold Winter Olympic Games on Siege. “It’ll be Russian style,” announced Diablo. “Contestants and spectators are advised to bring their own body bags.”

NEW STUDY
Quack Pollsters have determined that smoking cannabis makes you feel different. “They’re still the same person,” explained Dr. AJ. “But pot keeps that fact from them.”

SIEGE GRANNIES
From Nigeria have opened a PayPal account where any Siege player can now wire money to UO players in Limbo. “Heaven awaits the charitable,” said Grannie Abimbola*. “Those who contribute now to the poor souls stuck in Limbo will enter Heaven riding on a camel.”
[*Nigerian name meaning, “Born to be rich.”]

RECORD SET BY DEAD KID
“Nobody has ever been on UO without logging as long as him,” said a saddened friend today. “I don’t know his real name, but he should be in the Hall Of Players for this. Look, he’s still bank-sitting in Luna.” Asked about funeral arrangements, the friend admitted, “We haven’t planned ahead yet. Nobody will go into that room.”

HALL OF PLAYERS
The Siege Perilous Hall Of Players is accepting exhibits. Give an item or a book or a statue with your character’s name on it to Kattasrophe or to Victoria, or drop it into the mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer. Your named items will be used to create your exhibit.
The Hall Of Players is open to all Siege players.

The Hall Of Players on Atlantic exhibits over 350 UO players, from the days of the Mage Tower to current players and includes exhibits of former players who died in real life. Ask on chat how to find it.

TRIVIA MONK
To receive a prize, be the first to go to the Trivia Monk on our steps & say the word that answers this question:
How many Castles are on Siege?

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, 31st Issue
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward. Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe

Unwitting Contributors: Mollie, Fogsbane, Shadowen, Darkstar, PwnBroker, Tru, Waynbo, Famine, Kattasrophe, Babbling Loonie, Lupe, Leather Lucy, Viscount Goop, Skunk, Hugibear, seksdreams, Bo, Spiffykeen, Diablo, Dr AJ.

Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-31st-issue.310890/