Creatur Featur 2: Necromantic Boogaloo
WarderDragon

Alouenikah of Ilshenar needs help with a task before he can resurrect his dead lover, Lindae. See details here.

Drunken Fishing Tournament and Fish Fry
EM Godiva

Event: Drunken Fishing Tournament and Fish Fry
Date: Thursday, April 26th 2012
Time: 8:00 PM PST / 11:00 PM EST
Location: EM Hall

Important Note: All fish MUST have your character’s name and the current date on them to qualify.

Threat from Ver Lor Reg
EM Sangria

The pesky meddlers were finally gone. As was the healer. This fake healer was revealed to be the thief who had taken their barrels of explosive powder. Fortunately, this band who called themselves the Royal Guard, were negligent in their duties. The fools never searched the thief’s quarters! But the guards of Ver Lor Reg did and found something very interesting. And very useful. The commander of the Ver Lor Reg guards began to write…

Leaders of Britannia!

We have had enough! You steal what belongs to us! You invade Ver Lor Reg in your quest for treasure!
We demand the following:

– Remove your murdering thieving people from our trade routes
– Return the barrels of explosives you retrieved intact
– A daily fee of 500,000 gold for continued access to Exodus dungeon for your people.

You have 24 hours! If you refuse, one of your cities will suffer.

Smooth Criminal
EM Godiva

Event: Smooth Criminal

Date: Saturday, April 21th

Time: 7:00 PM PST / 10:00 PM EST

Location: EM Hall

“Find the person or persons responsible for stealing the explosive kegs from Ver Lor Reg and transporting them to Britain.”

Aiden mulled over his first assignment, given to him directly by the new Captain of the Guard.

“Someone must have seen something. Though, perhaps they do not even know that what they saw is relevant.”Aiden reasoned, formulating a plan.

The Village of Kraggen-Cor
WarderDragon

In Ultima lore, the Mountain men are a race of stout, broad shouldered warrior poets and blacksmiths who inhabited the far reaches of the north. Renowned for their stone and metal work, their epic ballads and the rage of their berserkers, the Dwarves would fade into legend along with the other mythical races, all but forgotten, until as chance would have it, they would reappear and join the humans in their conquest of the Underworld.

Funny how history repeats itself, isn’t it?

Described as a band of warrior poets, metallurgists and masons, the Dwarves of Kraggen-Cor [Dwf] have emerged from their secret, subterranean kingdom to establish an outpost in the region of Serpents Pass. Their Thane, Beldin Brightaxe, hailing from the world of Origin, has led the construction of an impenetrable mountain fortress, and has forged alliances with the human kingdoms of this world. Kraggen-Cor stands ready to wage war against the Orcs and Beastmen of the North, but offers a safe haven for travellers and those who come in peace.

 

Season 2: Nude Dungeon Crawl
EM Godiva

Event: Naked (and Drunken) Dungeon Crawl

Date: Thursday, April 19th

Time: 8:00 PM PST / 11:00 PM EST

Location: EM Hall

Dilfred Dumphry Meets the Girl Scouts
EM Sangria

Dilfred Dumphry here! Today I met the most evil, vicious band of thugs that I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. That’s right; I met the Girl Scouts of Baja.

It all started while I was sleeping. I had this weird dream that someone was sobbing about cookies. Then I woke up and heard…

Alouenikah: *sobs* G-girl scout c-c-cookies for sale in Luna.

Alouenikah: *sobs* P-please buy some cookies. Please? Please…?

*What the…? So I head over to Luna and watch from the safety of a dark corner.*

Girl Scout Edith: Aloueneka ordered 357 cookies

Alouenikah: *is wearing a girl scout uniform, selling cookies, and crying.*

Girl Scout Edith: made em and now he backs out.

Alouenikah: please buy my cookies

Girl Scout Leona: Come buy some cookies from Girl Scout Alouenikah. He needs all the help he can get!

Alouenikah: don’t make me stand here all day

Girl Scout Edith: SO we made him put on a uniform

Alouenikah: *sobs* f-four hundred gold pieces per pan

Girl Scout Edith: and he is not trying to sell them.. very well.

Alouenikah: *sobs* they’re very deliciou

Alouenikah: …delicious…

Alouenikah: I’m trying!

Alouenikah: What do you want me to do?!

Girl Scout Edith: shave your legs might help

Girl Scout Edith: How can anyone order 357 pans of cookies and not remember!

Girl Scout Leona: He ordered 357 pans of cookies

Girl Scout Leona: and refuses to pay for them

Alouenikah: *is crying*

Girl Scout Leona: so we are making him sell cookies in Luna

Girl Scout Edith: sell them!

Alouenikah: I didn’t do it.

Alouenikah: I wouldn’t do such.

Alouenikah: I didn’t.

Girl Scout Leona: if you buy 1 pan from him

Alouenikah: *sob*

Girl Scout Leona: it may cheer him up

Girl Scout Leona: they are only 400 gp

Girl Scout Edith: *giggles at a grown old man in a uniform crying*

Alouenikah: *sob sob*

Alouenikah: leendeeeeeh

Alouenikah: *sob*

*Finally Alouenikah gets a customer…*

Alouenikah: Th-that will be one hundred gold pieces please.

Girl Scout Edith: no no no

Girl Scout Leona: 400gp

Alouenikah: What?

Girl Scout Edith: 400 gold pieces!

Alouenikah: No!

Girl Scout Leona: Four hundred Gold pieces

Alouenikah: One hundred!

Girl Scout Edith: Yes!

Girl Scout Edith: Four!

Alouenikah: I am the salesman!

Alouenikah: I want to sell for one hundred!

Girl Scout Leona: but we set the price

Girl Scout Edith: you owe us 130,000 gold pieces

Alouenikah: I will not stand for this!!

Alouenikah: This is an indignity!

Alouenikah: *tries to think how Lindae would act in this situation*

Alouenikah: …

Girl Scout Leona: *straightens skirt*

Alouenikah: *sets the cookies on fire!!*

Girl Scout Edith: so is ordering cookies form the scouts and not paying!

Alouenikah: Vas Flam – Fireball

Girl Scout Edith: SELL

Alouenikah: COOKIES

Girl Scout Edith: SELL!!!!

Priscilla: Thou art giving me food?

Priscilla: This tasteth good.

Priscilla: I thank thee.

Ryder: Thou art giving me food?

Ryder: This tasteth good.

Ryder: I thank thee.

Girl Scout Leona: you owe us Aloue!!

Belinda: Thou art giving me food?

Belinda: This tasteth good.

Belinda: I thank thee.

Girl Scout Leona: How can you be so mean to the Girl Scouts like this

Alouenikah: *hyperventilates*

Alouenikah: *falls down in a heap*

Alouenikah: x_x

Girl Scout Edith: We spent a week making those!

Girl Scout Edith: a whole week!

Alouenikah: x_x

Girl Scout Leona: I even burned two of my fingers on the hot pans!

Girl Scout Edith: *glares at the pudding lump on the ground*

Girl Scout Leona: I cried!

Girl Scout Edith: she did!

Alouenikah: *runs through Luna naked but for a cap and sandals*

Girl Scout Edith: eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Alouenikah: *shrieks hysterically*

Girl Scout Leona: is paralyzed with fear*

Okay. That was fun. I now know the Girl Scouts are sweet, cute and innocent, but as Alouenikah found out, if you steal their cookies, they will go rabid on you! *makes note to self, never steal Girl Scout cookies*

As usual, when I think the show was over, it isn’t.

The Town Crier began to yell about raiders in New Magincia. Not long after that, the Girl Scouts start crying for help. Guess where they went? Guess what they died to? But more importantly, guess what got looted?

Enter Girl Scouts on a mission!

After many corpses later…

Victory! However….

Errr… why would she want to get another one?

Oh. Silly me.

This is Dilfred Dumphry with an important lesson to all – beware of the Girl Scouts!

Dilfred Dumphry and Fluffy Bunnies
EM Sangria

Dilfred Dumphry here with another truly awesome report of anything and everything by yours truly!

Some of you may know me from elsewhere and am wondering why I’m here. Good question! Unfortunately it has a long answer. But I will try and make it as brief as possible. *takes a deep breath*

I introduced two young people. One noble born, one common born. The two fell madly in love, eloped and ran away. Nobles went stupid and did their best to break the two up and make sure such a union would never happen again. The two young lovers rebelled and ended up becoming raider leaders. Out of reach of the nobles, the nobles then turned their gaze of death on me!

Yes I introduced the two! No they did not become raider leaders because I introduced them! But the Nobles were still stuck in stupid so my family and I packed and fled to parts unknown. Errr.. parts unknown to us that is.

These parts are much safer than those we left behind. Or so we thought. My wife and I were wandering around Brit when this we saw this cute pink fluffy bunny. My wife went all girly on me saying, ‘awwwww!!!’ and bent down to pet the beast. Yes beast. The thing went for her jugular quicker than you can blink an eye. Fortunately my wife comes from a family of all boys so her reflexes are amazing. She grabbed that cute fluffy bunny by the throat, whirled it over her head and threw it into the river. ‘Hideous thing!!’ she hissed. This is why I stay out of the kitchen when she cooks. Mood swings and knives. Nuff said.

Soon after my wife sent the bunny swimming we came upon a large group hunting the little beasties.

Or was it the bunnies hunting them?

Not long after that we came across a Guardsman with glowing skin wearing only his not so glowing undies.

My wife and I could only stare. I’m definitely liking this place, and the way my wife was staring, so was she. Wait. Really? Him? Uhhh.. *yawn* ‘Look at the time honey, we’d best get back to the Inn.’

Good night all and safe travels! Until next time, this is Dilfred Dumphry.

Calling of the Guard
EM Sangria

Event: Calling of the Guard

Date: April 15th.

Time: 6:00 PM PST.

Location: EM Hall in Britain.

Thanks to the marine biologist, we now know there’s not enough fish in this area for the sea serpents to survive on. So they are seeking out food on land, namely us. Fortunately very few have come on land and have been easily delt with.

However, we have recieved word that there is a large group of sea serpents heading toward New Magincia. It is predicted they will be there Sunday. We need to protect New Magincia.

Calling of the Guard and concerned citizens! Meet at the EM Hall on Sunday (4/15) at 6 pst, 9 est!