The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Thirteenth Issue
September 27, 2013

THE DRAGON SQUAD
Greater Dragons in the wild can suffer constipation from eating armored humans. Concerned animal lovers from the guild, Do Right Knights [DoRK] have formed a squad to help the poor things.
This reporter embedded with the Dragon Squad on a recent mission, stealthing up behind a GD in obvious discomfort.
“You just have to reach in and pull stuff out,” TheDrAJ whispered, holding up his long-gloved arm.
“Really?” I inquired. “And what is the dragon’s reaction to that?”
“Well… surprise, at first. Then shock then deep resentment.”

IT’S MY ROCK!!
by Kattasrophe (age 12)
A guy named My Rock yelled in chat one day. I asked Your Pixel Crush to explain what happened.
She told me, “It all started when Redwolf made a log for all the daily rares. Ysabella is often awake at server up, she went to Bucs Den, the rock was still there, so she grabbed it!!”
A few minutes later, Ander came over the global chat flipping out that the rock was gone. He yelled, “IT IS MY ROCK!! MINE!! I’VE B EEN TAKING THE ROCK FOR 15 YEARS!!
The next morning a new character came up, named My Rock. He yelled at Ander and said, “IT’S MY ROCK ANDER!!!” The person began saying sentences with rock. At a point he sang we will rock you.
By that point quite frankly Ander was pretty… well, i think you know.
Me and others have asked around to see who it may be. No luck yet! If you think you may have an answer please do tell!!!

THE PIRATES ARE COMING! The United Pirates of Catskills are sailing the perilous inter-shard seas to Siege. They come on invitation from our own pirates to serve as impartial judges in Arrr’s Limerick Contest.
If you see one of these members of UO’s oldest pirate’s guild, make them feel welcome. We’d like to see some take up residence here.

ASK SEVERN
Frog hopped over to ask: How does a Frog get girls to stop trying to kiss him?? Frog likes being a frog, don’t want to turn back to peoples, please help! *ribbit*
Dear Hopping Frog: Please see me sometime to begin work on getting over your fear of being a peoples again. But until then, showing your warts should deter the ladies! Best of luck!

ONCE UPON A TIME
In Old UO, boats sailed the lakes in  Dungeon Shame. Archers & casters, adrift, safely killed land bound monsters, skilling up at no risk.
Ahh… the Good old days.

CLASSIFIEDS
* Shrines! Siege Estates Shrine edition runebook is here!
Buy it from the vendor “Siege Estates” at the Perilous Inquirer (out Luna south gate, 3rd house on left.)
– Grimlet
** Waterfall Bridge Shop Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Severn
Lawsuits: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-thirteenth-issue.305501/

 
 
 
     Have some interesting updates as always, so here we go…
 
 
 
 
Stratics has updated some pages…

New post: Additions and Omissions http://t.co/y11EcC0odW #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

New page: Sifting Through Sand. http://t.co/rmvs7GLqMV #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

New page: Linzrom The Guard Captain http://t.co/sTiVkkQ0kr #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

New page: Prugyilonus the Advisor to the Queen http://t.co/EqrySV4MNV #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

On Siege…

New post: Barter Town, Gilfane hoping to lead way http://t.co/cZeMsFdWYI #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 25, 2013

On Great Lakes…

New post: The King Attends Inaugural Celebration For Governor Tanda of Minoc http://t.co/uz28KAh78v #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

On Drachenfels…

New post: (Player Event) Maritime Nights (1) http://t.co/l79x1M5oQM #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

Asuka turns 15…

New post: (EM Event/ Asuka) Asuka 15th Anniversary http://t.co/cdJbYJJTwC #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 26, 2013

On Catskills…

Join us for the first ever Governor's Inaugural Ball held on Sept. 30th @ 8 PM EST in Lord Blackthorn's Castle. http://t.co/nmGTSIuqrm

— UO Catskills (@UOCatskills) September 26, 2013

On Sonoma…

New post: KFC's Killa FIGHTING CHICKENS Battle 27 (Sat. Sept. 28th) http://t.co/3yXDhW4tWq #uo #ultimaonline

— UOStratics (@UOStratics) September 27, 2013

And in Shroud of the Avatar…

Richard Garriott Talks Shroud of the Avatar this Friday | Ten Ton Hammer http://t.co/bDg3l3cDbY via @tentonhammer

— Richard Garriott (@RichardGarriott) September 26, 2013

That’s it for now. Safe journeys and happy hunting.

LIMERICK CONTEST ANNOUNCED!

The Pirates of Siege Perilous [Arrr] are holding a Limerick Contest.
The Limericks will be judged by the United Pirates of Catskills, UO’s oldest pirates’ guild.
Many useful and rare items can be yours if you WRITE AND SUBMIT AN ORIGINAL LIMERICK (no plagiarism ;p)

SUBMIT YOUR LIMERICK
by writing it in a UO book and dropping it in the Mailbox at the Perilous Inquirer; located out the Luna south gate, 3rd house on the left.

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSION
is Tuesday, October 22nd, 2013.

WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED
by DJ Def on UORadio.com, Saturday, October 26th, 2013.

RULES
1. Pirate Theme only – Limericks must be about pirates or pirating or the pirate life.
2. 3 Verse limit – One verse is fine, and no more than three verses will be considered.
3. The Limerick must be the original work of the person submitting the limerick.
4. Winner must be a Citizen of Siege Perilous.
5. Decisions of the judges will be final.

FOUR FANTASTIC PRIZES! WoW!

FIRST PRIZE

http://images.podotech.net/firstprize.jpg
Cards (valued at 30 mil)
Legacy Token
House Teleporter Set
A Flaming Head Deed
Deed for a Stone Ankh
Ethy llama
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

SECOND PRIZE

http://images.podotech.net/secondprize.jpg
Rubble Blessed Wearable Pants
Complete Virtue Tile set
Deed for a Stone Ankh
A Flaming Head Deed, A Flaming Head Deed
A Clothing Bless Deed
Weapon Engraving Tool
A Heritage Token
Flowerpot, Flowerpot
Ethy Horse
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

THIRD PRIZE

http://images.podotech.net/thirdprize.jpg
Ruined Painting
Bag of 12 Bulk Order Covers
Ethy Beetle
White Leather Dye Tub
A Shadow Token
A Crystal Token
A Flaming Head Deed
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

FOURTH PRIZE

http://images.podotech.net/fourthprize.jpg
Tome of Lost Knowledge
Shipbuilding Hammer
12th Anniversary Gift Ticket, 13th Anniversary Gift Ticket, 14th Anniversary Gift Ticket, A Holiday Gift Ticket
Weapon Engraving Tool
Swords of Prosperity
Sleeping Hamster
A Holiday Timepiece, A Copper Shilling, Jaana’s Hangover Remedy & A Bottle of Pink Champagne

RARE PRIZES DONATED BY FAMINE
Asked why, Famine’s answer was simply, “I want to give back. This game has given me so much.”
Famine’s “Siege Perilous Museum” will soon be open to the public in the north end of Zento at 40N,40W, next to the trail going north to the desert of Deathwatch Beetles.
The purpose of the museum is to preserve many of Siege’s rare and interesting artifacts.

LIMERICKS 101
Example:
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

Don’t get too hung up on the “rules of limericks”. To quote a favorite pirate, they be “…more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules.”

Updates will be posted as the contest progresses.

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/limerick-contest-announced.305363/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Twelfth Issue
September 20, 2013

PIRATE COVE
– by Kattasrophe (age 12)
Is it just a rumor? Some have wondered that very question. But there is a quite simple answer! Yes, Pirate Cove is real! The reason for it not being on the map is it has yet to be approved. Grace says, “Dac is working on it.” Captain Sureno says, “Pirate Cove is our pirate player town. We have many houses in the safe spot. We are trying to get approval by the town maker and will be adding houses very soon.”

WHY YOU ARE ON SIEGE
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.
You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same.
You wanna go where people know people are all the same.
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.
– Cheers Theme Song

IT’S NOT FAIR
Says Grimlex, “Ninety percent of reds give the rest a bad name.”

ONCE UPON A TIME IN UO
A house deed for a blue or green tent could be purchased from an NPC Architect. It featured a 7×7 footprint and one container, a chest which came with a key to lock it, in the middle of the tent.
The chest could be lockpicked by any player with sufficient skill and the tent had no front door. Players & their possessions were never safe in a tent, and it was discontinued in 1998.
– Thanks to Camaenion for the history tip

ASK SEVERN
T’yari the fisher asks: “I keep hearing about this rock that belongs to someone? And that peoples lives have been threatened over a rock?! Should I be worried?”
Dear T’yari: Have no fear, it’s not anyone’s rock, if anyone had the right to claim it would be Buc’s Den. As for any threats, the only real threat is if someone stubs their toe… on the rock of course….  – [email protected]

NEW STUDY
53.4 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

UPCOMING EVENTS
* The Pirates guild, Arrr, is finalizing a Limerick Contest. Prizes to include an ethy mount & a soulstone. Impartial judges from “The United Pirates” of Catskills will pick the winners. Bug Parium the Black & Captain Sureno for details.
* * The guild NBT is planning a House Decoration Contest. If you’re interested in entering your house, talk to Kattasrophe.

CLASSIFIEDS
* Siege Estates Vendors runebook now updated. For the latest shopping runes, get V2.1 at the Perilous Inquirer on the vendor named, “Siege Estates.”
– Grimlex
** Waterfall Bridge Shop Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Severn
Now seeking UO veteran who can write a weekly column about “Once Upon A Time” in UO.
Published by http://rofltimes.com/

~sine die~

Join the discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-twelfth-issue.305156/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Eleventh Issue
September 13, 2013

UPCOMING EVENTS
The Pirates Guild, Arrr, is hinting of a celebration to coincide with the grand opening of their new “Pirates Cove.” Our cub scouts have reported recent shipments of gigantic hogsheads of rum, gigantic headless hogs, tons of turnip greens and huge bales of freshly harvested aloe vera leaf, a remarkably powerful laxative, all being carted into the new settlement.
More about this event to come as our intrepid reporter, Kattasrophe, seeks answers.

At Last Weeks Events: Zaine won NBT’s Scavenger Hunt despite every single word on the list being a word-jumble
Igg a pie of TGIF guild found the Arcane Crown at the Papua Tinkers’ Shop to win Ilexia’s Treasure Hunt.

THE PIRATE SONG
Against convention we rebel to sail the sea of briny foam,
We drink with daemons straight from hell and chase their asses home.

The waves be drunk and so are we, the moon be high and so are we,
We’re sinful dirty pirates and we’re sailing to be free.

We’ll blow y’re ship to smithereens, board y’re women and belay y’re men,
We’ll sink y’re bloody brigantines and haul y’re treasure to our den.

So flee the hull that flies the skull or Davy Jones will pick y’re bones.
Cannon balls and boarding brawls are winsome cheers to buccaneers.
–  © 2010 by GD Deckard (DeadBob)

ONCE UPON A TIME IN UO
When moongates were unstable, a moongate could fail and you would find yourself standing on a platform in the ocean.
To escape, you had to slip by a revolving iron grate and enter a white moongate. Today, that platform is still there, though it is now used only by savvy seafarers who can sail to where the 4 corners of the map touch. There, if you can figure out how to get onto the platform, you can still enter that white moongate and discover a journey of old.
– Thanks to Camaenion for the history bit

ASK SEVERN
Ten Toes asks: Everyone seems so angry all of a sudden! Have I gone crazy or are they really mad?
Dear Ten Toes: Good news! You’re not crazy! I suggest all towns invest in Prozac salt licks to help solve peoples anger issues. Bad news, you only have nine toes….

CLASSIFIEDS
Siege Estates
Its a even hotter day than the other days boiling yet Siege Estates sends you a cool breeze now on sale at vendors near you Siege Estates Vendor Edition 2.0. Don’t be left dry an thirsty when you can have a nice cold bottle of booze. Drink Responsibly, Cheers!
– Grimlex

Waterfall Bridge Shop
Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Severn

~sine die~

Join the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-eleventh-issue.304721/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Tenth Issue
September 6, 2013

UPCOMING EVENTS
Ilexia’s Treasure Hunt: 3:PM EST Sat, 7 Sep 13
Location will be announced over General Chat

NBT Scavenger Hunt: 8:PM EST Sat, 7 Sep 13
At the Perilous Inquirer, 3rd house on the left out the Luna south gate.

Planning an Event? Tell us & we’ll help spread the word!

OVERHEARD ON CHAT
“More guys would join if factions had camp followers.”

DEADBOB INTERVIEW
by Kattasrophe, age 12
DeadBob 70, is the guild leader of NEWS. He said, “There are a zillion ways to play UO. Reporting news is one of them. I have another character on Siege and I love it here. It’s a frontier town.”
I asked him, “What do you like most about the people here?”
He says, “People here control themselves based on their needs. There is no law. And I like independent people. Like you and Tang, they take responsibility for their actions.”
I asked him one last question, “What is your favorite thing to do here?”
He says, “The Perilous Inquirer, of course!”
[Editor’s Note: This was supposed to be Ladra’s interview, but she declined.]

WINGUS & DINGUS STRIKE AGAIN
aka Blade Runner and Parker Swiftness, the formerly freelance graverobbers continue to kill & rob people who can’t fight.
Their careers as night diggers ended when they made the mistake of looting Lord Blackthorn’s tomb in Felucca, taking his gold teeth and triggering a hidden Sacrifice spell. The ex-Frenchman resurrected on the spot.
Now, under Blackthorn’s sway, Wingus & Dingus are forced to steal from the dead in order to pay for the King’s leprosy medications.
“You kill carebears & crafters and won’t fight PvPrs. Soooo lame,” Xaphan accused them. “You won’t fight people who can fight back.”
Blade Runner’s response was too long to fit in a forum post, but made no sense anyway.

ASK SEVERN:
Benjamin Gold asks: “I’m a pirate, and I can’t seem to keep my boots dry! Any suggestions?
Dear Pirate Ben, Yes! Stop wearing boots! Instead wear little sponges on your feet so they soak up all the water for you.

PRESIDENT STUMBLES INTO RADIO STATION DRUNK, CONFUSED
President, Viscount Of Yew, and his Rune Beetle, Lucy Borgia, accosted DJ Def of uoRadio.com, demanding an evening of Metallica.
“That’s why you retards suck at PvP,” he explained to noone in particular on Chat. “You said Metallica sucks.”

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Severn

~sine die~

Join the Discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-tenth-issue.304312/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Ninth Issue
August 30, 2013

BLACKTHORN SPIES ON CITIZENS
According to documents leaked by Ysebella Damours and published by a French newspaper, King Blackthorn has been eavesdropping on the general chat channel.
Confronted with this evidence, the King stuck to his talking points. “I’m not French! I hate factions! And, yes, that’s my grave at my Castle but I’m NOT a zombie!”

BOOMERS BALL
A bang up time was had by all
At the Boomer’s Ball in Ladra’s Hall.
The best laid traps for women & men,
Concealed the prizes & danger within
Exploding crates in Ladra’s Hall.

Along came Blade Runner, Parker Swiftness & Tick,
Looking for crates with a candlestick,
While Kelmo, Liandra, Hoffs and Dark Star
Counted the booms from the upstairs bar.

The guests agreed this was indeed the best Siege fest
In many a year. Though some did fear the reds’ unrest,
Death was but a deathrobe quest.
Katt won that.

YOUR PIXEL CRUSH
– Interviewed by Katt (12 yrs old)
Your Pixel Crush, 32, began playing UO 8 years ago. It took her husband 7 years to get her to play. She finally decided to play the game so she could play with her husband.
She says I’ll try anything once, but if I like it alot I’ll try it again.
But what I really like is crafting, dungeon crawling and tmap hunting with a side of roleplay. “I have been a gamer girl always even in high school,” says Pixel Crush. ”
P.S. Aside from PKrs killing people, they are kind of nice,” says Pixel Crush.

STUDY: 95% OF PKs DON’T CLEAN THEIR WEAPONS
This reporter, while observing PKs immediately after a kill, found 95 percent not using a cleanser, not scrubbing for the recommended 20 seconds, or not washing at all.
“<expletive deleted> off,” said BlOoDlUsT. “I usually wash my blade unless someone’s still trying to kill me.”

UPCOMING EVENTS
NBT is working on a Scavenger Hunt.
Ilexia may be planning a Treasure Hunt.

PLANNING AN EVENT?
Others might like to assist you. Tell us & we’ll help spread the word.

VENDOR PLAZA (Adv)
New vendor house out the Luna south gate; at the 3rd house on your left, turn left to the 2nd house behind the Inquirer, at 82N,20W.
Fresh Stock  *Imbued Gear * Filled Spell Books * Pots * LRC Suits * Gate Scrolls * Arties * Furnishings * Plants & Seeds & More!

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Writers wanted! Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.

~sine die~

Join the Discussion at
| http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-ninth-issue.303999/

The Perilous Inquirer
 Vol. 1, Eighth Issue
August 23, 2013

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That’s the question I asked myself while observing the EM Event on Bucs Den. I wondered about the SL players who expertly killed everyone and everything. And I wondered about the outrage at them on chat. The answer, it turns out, is that this is exactly how UO was designed.
The following is from a 1998 essay written by the original UO Lead Designer, Raph “Designer Dragon” Koster.
“Eliminating the killers from the mix of the population results in a stagnant society. Players become cliquish, and without adversity to bring communities together, they fragment and eventually go away. At the same time, too many killers will quite successfully chase away everyone else. And after feeding on themselves for a little while, they will move on too. Leaving an empty world.  Ideally, we bring killers to an awareness of the virtual community they are disrupting, whilst at the same time still permitting people to exercise power over one another, because people tend to seek status and power, and it’s an important mechanic we cannot do without.”
See Dragon’s essay, “Who Are These People Anyway?” at raphkoster.com/gaming/essay3.shtml

SUGAR SMACKS CONFESSES
To being The Boston Strangler, the West Mesa Bone Collector & The Phantom Killer of Texarkana
“It’s been preying on my conscious for years, all those unsolved murders.
But I feared it would damage my career on UO if it got out that I was a -shudder- a secret serial killer. I mean, what good is killing if you can’t boast of it? But now it’s out. I killed all those 29 people.”

SATAN INTERVIEW
by Kattasrophe (age 12)
Satan, 31, is a PvPr in the guild FSP, his main target, blues. He says he likes to think of himself as an equal opportunity killer. He says he doesn’t care if they are red, blue, new, old or an NPC, he will kill them.
He has played for over 187 months. He started when he was 16. He found out about Ultima Online from a friend and got the game for his dad on Christmas.
The only time he hasn’t played was when he was deployed to Iraq and Cuba.
(Side note: While doing the interview, he went to Shame and killed a guild member of mine.)
But besides killing people, he is kinda nice!

“REPORT-GOD” CREATED
Siege Only
UO has authorized creation of a God statue where Siege players can report each other. “It’ll save staff time not having to deal with whiners,” UO explained.
The new God, named Bigus Dickus in honor of Mel Brooks, will be installed on Fire Island where Siege Players can take their prayers & supplications for relief.

CLASSIFIED AD
Siege Estates – An updated runebook to Siege Vendors by Grimlex.
“Shopping could not be easier with this gate traveling wonder.
See Gate Book Store at the Perilous Inquirer.”

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
Reporter: Kattasrophe  Contributor: Grimlex
Sealed copies of the current issue are on the steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.

~sine die~

Join the Discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-eighth-issue.303638/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Seventh Issue
August 16, 2013

HAPPENINGS IN SAFE HAVEN
By: Lupe
Long ago, before we travelled between facets, the crossroads of Britain was… an interesting place. It was often a magnet for new players, with a swamp to the west, a desert to the northwest, and tons of spawn.
So the PK’s waited in the shadows of the guard tower and cut down the unsuspecting kids who stopped to read the signs or kill a troll.
But eventually a benevolent force arrived and stopped the slaughter, and as time passed, a blossoming township grew. Powerful players patrolled the roads and the borders of the town from bandits. Vendors sprang up and lined the roads, and then, greener pastures showed up, surrounded by a big, thick, sandstone wall.
Fear not though, a new era has dawned, and the township of Safe Haven is once again showing signs of life! Ariana Riverwind has hired some merchants to sell her wares. Freja’s castle is now host to some vendors and my own home, by the healer’s wing ofthe guard tower has a “Potluck Commodity” vendor, as well as all manner of tools, and Carpenter’s, Tinker’s, and Tailor’s repair deeds!
Come take a look at what we have to offer, and stop by often, let us foster the rebirth of a piece of Siege history!

MOONGLOW ZOO
Mating Night is this Sunday.
Plan to attend early and help the animals get ready.

KATTASROPHE INTERVIEW
by DeadBob
Katt began UO at the age of six when her parents (Hi Victoria wanted to play a game with her.  Like most of us, she came for the game and stayed for the people. “The people I like most are kind, funny and always look out for others. Some are the best friends I ever had.”
Katt also writes plays. “When i grow up, i want to become a famous author. I love to write and i hope to have a career in it.”

NEW FISH RESTAURANT
The Cod Piece  Serving Zento diners with live eel, oysters and the chef’s special, rooster-in-a-pouch, the Cod Piece restaurant has something for everyone.
“Ladies Night is always big for us,” says Chef Justin Cider. “They love to stretch things into the late hours of the night.”

PROSE CORNER
Siege Pixel Estates by Grimlex
So, it’s a hot day…crawling around on the even hotter dirt wanting a drink. A drink of what, you ask…?  Looking into the blazing sun holding a bottle of moonshine. Eyeing the booze then taking a blissful swig of that hot warm steaming creation of God.  Ah so refreshing that it makes you wonder how you got that liquor. Well simple you bought it at the vendors on your way home or where you plan on passing out.  Vendors what are they, where are they. Well they’re not everywhere, yet they are at the places you will find when you want that hot steamy boiling bottle of dreams. Luna, Zento, New magincia and Yew you will find a lot of junk. I mean non Alcoholic beverage items. If you want the best brew you’re gonna have to shop around.  What’s in your glass? Cheers!

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
I’ve heard it said that some suits are too high priced. So that got me thinking…are they?
If I, were to go and buy all the materials needed to make a horned leather 100LRC, MR6, LMC 40, and all 70’s, it would cost me roughly 240k.
Many do not realize how much work and TIME often goes into making a suit.  Even with 120 imbue, having the garg bonus, and using the queens forge, you still have very low % chances once you get to that last imbue. Meaning lost materials.
So my hat’s off to players like Tina Tink, who only charge a measly 300k! May more crafters on this fine shard be as generous as she!
– Your Pixel Crush

HELP WANTED
If you are an experienced fluffer with a passion for animals, this could be your next career move!
Apply to Severn, Mating Choreographer at the Moonglow Zoo.

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
Sealed copies of the current issue are on the steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Contributors: Kattasrophe, Lupe, Grimlex, Your Pixel Crush
Articles Wanted! Submit to [email protected] or PM DeadBob on stratics.

~sine die~

Join the Discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-seventh-issue.303383/

The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Sixth Issue  August 9, 2013

** WIN 100k **  HOW MANY CASTLES
Are on Siege?
81. Doubt that number? See for yourself!  You can now visit every castle on Siege using DeadBob’s Compendium of Siege Castles, a set of 6 runebooks on the front steps of the Perilous Inquirer.
But is it complete?
Yes! And, we’re so sure it is that we’ll pay 100,000 gp to the first player dropping a rune in our mailbox to a castle that is not included in the Compendium.

NO HELL EITHER FOR HEAVENLESS
Heavenless [FSP!] [SL] has received notification from Hell that he’s not welcome there, either.
“Maybe Limbo will take me,” the scarred fighter told this reporter. “You don’t think I’ll havta learn that stupid dance, do you?”

Dj DEF INTERVIEW
by Kattasrophe (Age 12)
Dj Def, 57, is a disc jockey for UOradio.com. I asked him what inspired him to become a dj. He answered, “My inspiration comes from the 60s & 70s, listening to the popular music of that generation.”
He plays on Siege, Sonoma and Catts. He likes listening to oldies, classic and rock.
He has two sons and one wife who play too.
He said his favorite thing about being a dj is interacting with the audience and sharing the songs from the lost generation and also bringing them their requests. He says this is the key in ensuring that they have the background music to enhance their playing.
Side notes: He isn’t on parole! And, I had to pay 5,000 gp to get the interview book back from Ladra who stole it from me.
[Editor’s note: Katt was reimbursed her 5k out of pocket expense. We also verified that Dj Def is not on parole & has only one wife.]

THE PERILOUS INQUIRER SALUTES
Our Friend Mahmoud Ahmadinejad On A Job Well Done
Mahmoud, who plays the character Abdul Husinsane on Siege, attributed his ability to simultaneously handle his former job as Iranian President while being a successful Shadowlord member here to the fact that, “I can’t really tell the difference.”

MALE ENHANCEMENT
Clinic Addition
Nurse Miss Maude’s new machine can work wonders.
“It looks like a torture wrack,” she confided, “But I’ve modified it.”

RIDDLE  What did Bill Gate’s new bride say to him on their wedding night?  (Answer on last page)

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
Sealed copies of the current issue are on the steward.  Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Editor: DeadBob  Reporter: Kattasrophe
Articles Wanted! Submit to [email protected] or PM DeadBob on stratics.
Lawsuits: Dewey Cheatum & Howe

Riddle Answer: “Oh! So, that’s why you named it, Microsoft.”

~sine die~

Join the discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-sixth-issue.303067/