The Perilous Inquirer
 Vol. 1, Fifth Issue
August 2, 2013

KING EDWARD REMANDED
To the Siege Witness Protection Program
“It’s for his own good,” Parium said over King Edward’s screams of outrage. “And ours.”
“He gets so uptight,” an elite ninja pointed out. “Betrayal, being killed, dry looted, subjected to libelous lies – little things like that just drive him nuts.”

NEW2 GRADUATION
by Kattasrophe
The NEW2 graduation was held on July 27th at 2 PM. Many were there to see their friends graduate. Bartelby came and killed 8 NEW2 graduates including me. Then, On Your Side began stealing items and a few people began killing him. Lilith came and everyone kept booting him out. On Your Side gave up and left the ceremony.
Overall, the NEW2 Graduates enjoyed the ceremony and look forward to seeing others graduate.

OVERHEARD ON CHAT
“There’d be a lot more socializing on Siege if the beds worked.”

OP/ED
by Lupe
As I’ve been travelling far and wide, it was news to me that Old Blackthorn had become king. Now I read a news article as to whether he’s a fake, or a zombie? I’ll tell you what he is, and it’s something much worse, he’s FRENCH!
I hear tell of this Consiel Du Roi. What in the name of the virtues happened to the King’s Council???
Then I got to talking with an old friend of mine who says he snuck into the coronation ceremonies, or whatever they chose to call THAT. He says they ask Blackthorn, when do y’want yer stuff moved into Castle British?
Blackthorn replies- “Oh no, Ah don’ need Castle British you see? Ah’ve already got one.”
“Yes, we know you already have one, but-”
“Oh yes! Is very naahss”
I stopped my friend there as I had heard more than I needed to draw my own conclusions. Let us hope that our governors and town councils have better Britannian heads on their shoulders than Lord King “Frenchypants” Blackthorn.

TAZAR WILLS MUCH OF UO TO UO
Luckily, Tazar has made many friends and we were able to kill the daemon that inexplicitly spawned behind him just after he signed his will bequeathing his many land holdings back to UO in the event of his death.
“It seemed like the right thing to do at the time,” Tazar later said. “But now I have this ‘hunted’ feeling.”

LETTER TO THE EDITOR
I, for one, welcome our new zombie overlords with brains and punch! With any luck our rotting ruler will inflict us all with the gift of undeath at the next governors’ meeting.
– Zoloms

The Perilous Inquirer
Published by The Perilous Inquirer & Liquor Mart
“Where news & booze go hand in hand”
Address: 3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
(Sealed copies of the current issue are on the steward, next to the liquor vendor. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”)
Editor: DeadBob
Contributors: Kattasrophe, Otero, Lupe, Zoloms
Reporters Wanted! Submit stories to [email protected] or PM DeadBob on stratics.
Lawsuits: Dewey Cheatum & Howe

~sine die~

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