Dilfred Dumphry Reporting from West Britain Bank
EM Sangria

Difred Dumphry reporting to you dead at West Brit Bank!

Normally I have my own stupidity to blame whenever I end up viewing the world in monochrome with cheerios spew from my mouth instead of words. Not this time though. Nope. This time it’s my wife’s fault.

You see, we’ve been looking for a new place to live. We were going to settle in New Magincia, but it made my wife homesick. Then the sea serpents showed up and ate the dog. I didn’t even know we had a dog! Apparently my wife had adopted a stray and ‘told’ me about it ‘quite some time ago’. Oh yeah, that did not go over well.

So then we tried Luna. Holy Virtues that place is expensive!! But my wife was in heaven! Shops everywhere! No raiders, no nobles, plenty of food and supplies. I was bored stiff. That is until my wife came home terrified. Chaos thingies were terrorizing the town. I stepped outside to check things out and promptly died.

My wife grabbed the cross bow and began shooting at the beastie while verbally shooting words at me, ‘idiot man! I TOLD you there were chaos things out there, but did you listen, nooooo! Did you listen when I told you about the pup? Noooo! What did you think that furry thing running around our house was anyway?? So now you’re dead and whose fault is that, hmmm? ’

‘OooOooOoooo!!!’ was my reply. Good huh? *sigh*

When the call for the Guard was put out, I got ‘the look’. The go or die look. *grumbles* With Captain Bob there was the possibility of avoiding death (I can hide. *grins*). With my wife, no such luck. So off I went to hear Captain Bob tell us how we were going to die this time.

It actually didn’t sound too bad. There was this barrel that spewed minions of chaos, which was currently at Brit. Apparently the barrel had been looted from Blackthorn’s Castle the night of the Brit riot and then fell into the gargoyles hands. Err claws. Err talons. Whatever. All we had to do was find out how to stop the barrel from spewing.

So off we went to Ver Lor Reg and talked to a gargoyle that had a great time laughing at us. The gargoyle told us that all we had to do was find the lid and put it on the barrel. He even told us where the lid was. You know… that should have been a real loud clue that we were going to die die die! But did any of us listen? Nooooo!

We found the lid, died a few times then headed for Brit where the barrel was spewing out Minions of Chaos as fast as it could. I was soooo dead. As were many others.

In the end the lid was put on the barrel and it stopped spewing and we stopped dying so we win. Go us. *sigh*

Now what to do with this death robe collection? They would make a nice soft bed for a pup. *grins*

This is Dilfred Dumphry wishing everyone safe travels.