The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Thirteenth Issue
September 27, 2013

THE DRAGON SQUAD
Greater Dragons in the wild can suffer constipation from eating armored humans. Concerned animal lovers from the guild, Do Right Knights [DoRK] have formed a squad to help the poor things.
This reporter embedded with the Dragon Squad on a recent mission, stealthing up behind a GD in obvious discomfort.
“You just have to reach in and pull stuff out,” TheDrAJ whispered, holding up his long-gloved arm.
“Really?” I inquired. “And what is the dragon’s reaction to that?”
“Well… surprise, at first. Then shock then deep resentment.”

IT’S MY ROCK!!
by Kattasrophe (age 12)
A guy named My Rock yelled in chat one day. I asked Your Pixel Crush to explain what happened.
She told me, “It all started when Redwolf made a log for all the daily rares. Ysabella is often awake at server up, she went to Bucs Den, the rock was still there, so she grabbed it!!”
A few minutes later, Ander came over the global chat flipping out that the rock was gone. He yelled, “IT IS MY ROCK!! MINE!! I’VE B EEN TAKING THE ROCK FOR 15 YEARS!!
The next morning a new character came up, named My Rock. He yelled at Ander and said, “IT’S MY ROCK ANDER!!!” The person began saying sentences with rock. At a point he sang we will rock you.
By that point quite frankly Ander was pretty… well, i think you know.
Me and others have asked around to see who it may be. No luck yet! If you think you may have an answer please do tell!!!

THE PIRATES ARE COMING! The United Pirates of Catskills are sailing the perilous inter-shard seas to Siege. They come on invitation from our own pirates to serve as impartial judges in Arrr’s Limerick Contest.
If you see one of these members of UO’s oldest pirate’s guild, make them feel welcome. We’d like to see some take up residence here.

ASK SEVERN
Frog hopped over to ask: How does a Frog get girls to stop trying to kiss him?? Frog likes being a frog, don’t want to turn back to peoples, please help! *ribbit*
Dear Hopping Frog: Please see me sometime to begin work on getting over your fear of being a peoples again. But until then, showing your warts should deter the ladies! Best of luck!

ONCE UPON A TIME
In Old UO, boats sailed the lakes in  Dungeon Shame. Archers & casters, adrift, safely killed land bound monsters, skilling up at no risk.
Ahh… the Good old days.

CLASSIFIEDS
* Shrines! Siege Estates Shrine edition runebook is here!
Buy it from the vendor “Siege Estates” at the Perilous Inquirer (out Luna south gate, 3rd house on left.)
– Grimlet
** Waterfall Bridge Shop Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Severn
Lawsuits: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Published by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Join the discussion at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-thirteenth-issue.305501/