The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Fourth Issue
July 26, 2013

KING BLACKTHORN – FAKE or ZOMBIE?
We Report, You Decide
Make no mistake about it. Lord Blackthorn was slain by Lord British in Ultima IX. This can be confirmed by anyone who played Ultima IX or by checking numerous sources including ultimacodex.com, ultima.wikia.com, wikipedia.org, rpgplanet.com, etc.
So, is this just some imposter claiming to be our lawfully appointed king?
Or is our nosiest reporter, Lord Pinocchio, on to something when he says, “I smell zombie!”
What do You think?

FUNNY ONE LINER
A seal walks into a club….

LILITH Interview
by Kattasrophe (age 12)
Lilith, 27, is the guild leader of SCUM, he loves to PvP. He likes to decorate as a pasttime from PvPing. He also likes scouting the lands for people who have shiny things (people with good items.)
He also said in the interview that his sister, Lloth, likes to farm and PvP (Lloth is Lilith.) He said it wouldn’t be long before she turned red herself.
I asked him what was his most happiest moment here he answered, “The day I killed Forsaken farming in Covetous and I took his stuff.”
Lilith is actually a really nice person but if you have something nice or shiny (something that’s good) or if he’s just bored, he will kill you.
Hope you enjoyed reading the article

SAINT’S SHOETORIUM
Chumlee says, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”
His collection totals nearly a hundred pairs and includes shoes from Damnation, Freja, Hoffs, Miranda, Morgan Ironfist, Sara Dale and Parium the Black.
“I do this because when I was a kid we were so poor I had to wear cow patties as shoes. You try getting a date, standing in that stuff.”

COIN DES POETES
(translation wanted)
Une jolie epousette a Tours
Voulait de gig-gig tous les jours.
Mais le mari disait, “Non!
De trop n’est pas bon!
Mon derriere exige du secours!”

CLASSIFIEDS
Chumlee is looking for shoes! Any kind will work (must be unblessed) and he prefers to take them off of your dead body. Got shoes? Then your gear is safe!

The Perilous Inquirer
Published by The Perilous Inquirer & Liquor Mart
“Where news & booze go hand in hand”
Address: 3rd house on left out the Luna south gate. (Sealed copies of the current issue are on the steward, next to the liquor vendor.)
Editor: DeadBob
Reporters: Kattasrophe, Otero, Pinocchio.
Reporters Wanted! Submit stories to [email protected]
Red Leaf Supplier: Camriel
Lawsuits: Dewey Cheatum & Howe

A special shout-out to Ilexia: “Thanks neighbor! Your support is appreciated :)”

~sine die~

Join the Discussion at
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fourth-issue.302428/