The Perilous Inquirer
Vol. 1, Fourteenth Issue
October 4, 2013

EXPOSE!
Hoffs is a Cylon.
– By Cylon Watch
Following an exhaustive, fact-breaking investigation it can be meritriciously stated that Hoffs is a Cylon. His friends confirm this, for the most part volunteering doubt about the stability of Hoffs’ OS. Mystery surrounds his past, but it seems his appearance amongst us is the result of a practical joke played by a deranged moongate. “Surprised me,” confessed Hoffs. “I was on my way to a motivational meeting for dog walker models when I ended up here.”
If you meet Hoffs, respect the Cylon culture. He may greet you with, “Hail OxyBreather. May your hemorrhoids shrink without surgery.”
To which you are expected to reply, “Are your Everreadies in upside down?”

THIEFS OF SIEGE
– by Kattasrophe (age 12)
Have you been bothered ’cause a Thief stole from ya? Or stole from a friend? Welp, everyone endures that problem alot. Here are some tips:
1. Get to know your Thief friend.
2. If they steal one thing only, perhaps buy them that thing.
3. If ya don’t want them to bother ya, sometimes they accept sissors, lanterns and other items.
4. Number 4 only lasts 1 per week.
5. Sometimes, Thieves are really nice.
6. Find a Thief named Romana. She is crazy about scissors.
7. Ladra steals anything, ‘specially if she knows it’s important to ya.
8. II steals anything he likes.
9. If none of that works, most likely they just don’t like ya.

ONCE UPON A TIME
In Old UO, bandages were cut one-at-a-time. Very frustrating, this encouraged macroing & people ended up in the jail on Bucs Den.
– History bit courtesy of Lupe

CHICKEN FIGHT SONG
SING IT LOUD & SING IT PROUD!
(To the tune of “South Park”)
Chicken Fighters everywhere,
Fighting fowl & never fair,
Ripping flesh & eyeballs popping,
Opponents slipping on our droppings!
Fighting on for gory glory,
Singing sagas of our story.
Chicken Fighters Every Where!
(repeat ad nausium

DON’T FORGET
Arrr’s Limerick Contest You can win incredibly rare & useful items.
Details at: http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/limerick-contest-announced.305363/
Or ask Arrr for a book about it.

CAPTAIN SURENO
On Blade Runner:
“I’d cut him if he stands, and I’d shoot him if he’d run, Yes I’d kill him with my Bible and my razor and my gun.”
(w/apologies to Steppenwolf)

CLASSIFIEDS
* Siege Estates Halloween Edition 1.0 is leaping at you. Candy and booze at a high time. If you drink enough booze, what’s so spooky? Besides your own shadow. Drink responsibly.
Cheeeeerrrs!
– Grimlex

** Waterfall Bridge Shop
Located within the guard zone at the waterfall across the bridge from Justice shrine Northwest of Yew at coordinates 95″49′ N x 0″54’E
♥Love All, serve All♥
– Your Pixel Crush

The Perilous Inquirer
3rd house on left out the Luna south gate.
News & Booze! Free current issues are on the “News” steward; Free named liquors are on the “Booze” steward. Back copies are free on the shop named, “Siege Droppings.”
Submission guidelines are posted on the bulletin board.
Reporter: Kattasrophe
Contributor: Lupe
Deliveries: Doug The Fugitive
Lawsuits: Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Published weekly by the ROFLTimes.com

~sine die~

Follow the discussion at:
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fourteenth-issue.305859/
http://uo2.stratics.com/community/threads/the-perilous-inquirer-fourteenth-issue.305860/